Sometimes Disastrous Love Stories Have a Happy Ending

Have you ever had one of those “choose your own adventure” moments where your life’s story could have taken a very different turn?

Such was my case fifteen years ago.

Entering my final year of college, I was single and desperate, or as I would have said then, “carefully weighing my options.” The president of my school, Mike Avery, also served as my mentor, and each week I would go to his office and we’d talk about life. Often, our conversations drifted to relationships.

He would say, “Ezra, what do you think of this girl?” and I would respond with a shrug of indifference or a detailed explanation of why this relationship would never work. To my defense, it wasn’t as if I had high expectations. All I wanted was a top-notch Christian girl who was gorgeous, athletic, smart (but could tolerate stupid), loved kids, had independent goals, and was adventurous.

Somehow, Mike stumbled across someone who exceeded these qualifications when, in April of 2011, he met a girl named Janan Hunt. Janan had spent three years at a similar college to mine in Florida, but wanted to transfer to my college in Ohio for a change of pace as she entered her senior year.

As Janan met with Mike to discuss her transition, being the matchmaker that he was, he naturally decided to connect us while she was still in town. I was at work, but after receiving a phone call saying the girl of my dreams was waiting back at school, I shut down early that day and returned to campus, only to discover that Janan had mysteriously vanished. Apparently, the clock struck midnight for her at 6:30 p.m., and not having a glass slipper to work with, I moved to my next-best option: Facebook.

Using my detective skills, I entered "Janan Hunt" into the search bar, only to discover that even though I didn’t know who she was, we had around 800 friends in common. Her profile picture was her sitting with a Tim Horton’s coffee cup (the coffee of choice in Canada), so I knew I was on the right track.

And in my excitement, I made a horrible mistake.

Keep in mind, this was in the days of low-tech flip phones. Deciding this would be a prime opportunity to seek wise counsel, I pulled out my Motorola Krzr (the cool phone in 2011), snapped a grainy picture of Janan, and sent it to my sister-in-law, who had always joked that I should get her approval on any girl I considered. In my text, I included the question “What about this one?”

Strangely, she never responded, and a few minutes later, I understood why. Unbeknownst to me, my auto brain had kicked into gear without the thinking part turned up to full capacity. Indeed, I had not actually sent my sister-in-law this photo.

I had, in fact, sent this picture, along with the caption, back to my Facebook timeline, where it was proudly featured for the entire world to see.

Love Is a Funny Thing

While you might not have a love story that extreme, if you’ve been married for a few years, you probably have those cringe moments you look back on and say, “But for the grace of God...”

Love makes you say and do a lot of crazy things that leave you scratching your head and thinking, Was that really me?

This concept of love goes back to the very first man who ever walked this earth. At the beginning of creation, Adam was placed on this earth with no one to call his friend. Sure, he had other animals, but God knew there was something he lacked. This led God to say in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good that the man should be alone."

Right from the start, humanity was wired with an inherent need to be connected with other people. God instilled within each one of us a need to depend on one another. In fact, each moment of your life is a testament to the help of others.

• You were helped out of your mother's womb.
• You achieved your career as a direct result of a price others have paid.
• And there is a good chance you will leave this world dependent on the care of others.

You were created with a need to be in deep relationship with other others, and you were created with a need to love.

Capacity Has to Change

Minutes after my unfortunate Facebook post and recognizing I had suddenly turned into that guy most fathers warned their daughters to steer clear of, I immediately shifted into damage control. This included an extended Facebook apology note to Janan, which became the beginning of our relationship.

From there, we transitioned into the wonderful world of texting, Skype calls, and eventually meeting up in person at her hometown of North Pole, Alaska.

After three days of getting to know each other in person, we decided that enough time had passed to officially date. Two months after meeting him, I asked my future father-in-law, Ron, for Janan's hand in marriage. After a symbolic moment of silence, where I am sure his mind toyed between thoughts of acceptance and murder, he responded with a yes.

Nine months later, and just over one year after I sent out that infamous Facebook post, Janan and I were married, and my life served as a testament that sometimes disastrous starts can still have happy endings.

Now that we've been married for over fourteen years and have four kids, I have watched our love grow, be tested, and expand in some unexpected ways. In the early stages, Janan put up with my immaturity and foolish decisions (she still has the joy of doing this). She stood with me during three years of depression when I felt life was hopeless and I couldn't imagine the sun ever shining again. And I've stood with her during some pretty dark days of panic attacks.

The love we have for each other today didn't exist when we were first married. The seeds of it were there, but the capacity was not. And both of us would say the only way our love for each other has grown is because our love for God has grown.

A Constant Choice

As we’ve passed the midway mark of our thirties, both Janan and I are more aware than ever that our love for God will only need to deepen as our love for each other continues.

Life is just too hard. Neither of us realized how wonderful, yet how difficult it would be to raise four kids all two years apart. Janan had no idea that when she said, “I do,” she was marrying someone who would have some of the mental challenges I've faced. I had no idea her five knee surgeries would make it impossible for us to do physical activities like softball and volleyball together.

When life gets hard, it’s easy to isolate. Unfortunately, there have been times I’ve done this. Janan will struggle with a health challenge, and rather than being as present as I should be, I’ll pull back and isolate. She’s had times when my depression was more than she could take, and she needed a break.

But if there’s one thing that has gotten us through the ups and downs and helped us have a stronger marriage today than we’ve ever had, it’s our commitment to leaning more on God and expanding our love for him.

You see, within each of us exists a love gap. It’s the gulf between our personal ability and the love God calls us to offer. You don't have to be married to hit this gulf. All you need is a close relationship, and at some point, you'll say, "God, I don't know how to love this person as I should." The wonderful part is that as you pray, you'll sense God saying, "You're right, you don't, but this is your opportunity to lean into me and discover my love."

Love is a constant choice. But I want you to know today that, regardless of how your love story started or how rocky it might be today, it can have a happy ending. Not the kind you see on Hallmark, but one where your capacity for love is expanded as you trust in a God with infinite capacity. A God who loved you so you can love others. A God who crossed a gulf you could never cross came to where you are and offers life everlasting.