Where Is God in My Broken Family?

I don't know about you, but I thought I knew what my life would look like. I started out as a surprise sibling, welcomed into a family of teenagers. And I was spoiled rotten, or at least, so they say!

My parents were experienced and wise, having learned the tricks of the trade with four very different children, then aged twelve to eighteen. Both mom and dad were mature in their faith and consistent in sharing it with me. Then…everything changed, and along came a baby.

I had no choice but to adapt.

Previously the star of the show, I now had to share the spotlight and was less than thrilled. As a preschooler, my younger brother had some major health issues and received a lot of necessary attention.

During this time, I had a good relationship with my parents, and they created many wonderful memories for our family. The older kids moved on to the military and nursing school. My little brother was an instigator and always seemed to get me into trouble—probably my first wounds and needs for grace. Thankfully, we did become closer as adults.

Cheaper By the Dozen

The older siblings chose spouses, got married, and had kids. My parents modeled grace and acceptance as none of the in-laws were exactly like us. As I grew older, I visited my older siblings independently and appreciated other adults who were not my parents and instilled values and good judgment.

I observed their parenting, learning a wide variety of ways to handle growing children. One of my siblings and her partner held very different doctrinal ideas from the rest of us, which caused some fractures in the family over time. But God healed those cracks, and they became solid relationships between us all.

With six siblings packed together, their different personalities were expressed in their own ways, creating conflict. I am thankful for the peacemakers so that before each one of them finished their earthly journey, peace was reached.

I got married and thought I wanted twelve children, just like Cheaper by the Dozen, but it was a lot harder than I ever imagined. Five kiddos in, I was sure that twelve was not a realistic goal. Marriage was another category that didn’t turn out as I had expected, either.

Managing the house, the children, and working was hard, really hard. And I didn’t ever expect to be doing it alone. My youngest had some health issues and has lifelong disability.

Yet, God has never failed me once.

But God

When my children’s father passed away after being separated for years, I felt the loss in ways I didn’t expect. Again, God was gracious. Wounds have healed, and I have close relationships with my children.

Just this spring, my two remaining brothers passed away. As we look back over our family life, I am so grateful for God’s hand. I can see, over and over, where people or circumstances would have tried to break me, my family, or my faith. I can look back and say, in the words of Genesis 45:8, “It was not you who sent me here, but God.”

None of us gets the life we imagined.

Families fracture, dreams change, people we love disappoint us, and grief comes when we least expect it. Yet the story of our lives is not ultimately written by our circumstances but by the God who is faithfully working through them. Looking back, we often discover that what felt like detours were actually divine appointments, shaping our character, deepening our faith, and teaching us to depend on Him.

You may not understand every chapter while you are living it, but one day you, too, may be able to look back with gratitude and say, “It was not me...but God.” His hand has been there all along, weaving even the hardest moments into a testimony of His goodness and grace.