Escaping the Slough of Despond When Doing the Right Thing Doesn’t Work Out

In John Bunyan’s classic A Pilgrim’s Progress, the main character, Christian, finds himself sinking in the Slough of Despond shortly after leaving the City of Destruction, a city doomed to God’s judgment. The book serves as a beautiful allegory of the Christian life, and the Slough personifies the confusion and distress that often follows a courageous decision made in faith-filled obedience—a place where you are tempted to turn back toward what your Spirit-guided conscience clearly prompted you to leave. Although Christian slugs through the Slough before his sin is forgiven at the cross, I believe that Bunyan leaves open the interpretation of slugging through the Slough later in our Christian life, as well. 

In the Slough, Christian encounters Pliable, a character especially relatable to those still crawling out of the fog of post-modernism. Pliable, with his open mind and flexible thinking, reminds Christian that the path is too difficult and he isn’t making progress toward his goal—joy—so it’d be best to turn around. 

If Christian knew his Bible, can you imagine what would be running through his mind? “Maybe he’s right; proceeding on this path is a little extreme. This book does say to remain where I’m called (1 Cor. 7:24). Did I really need to leave the City of Destruction and my family? This path clearly isn’t working out; perhaps I should have just prayed for the city instead of leaving it (Jer. 29:7).” 

When Obedience Leads to Second-Guessing

Christian convictions can be simpler to work out when they are clear moral commands. In areas of Christian wisdom and calling, however, what do we do when the right decision doesn’t work out as we expected? In these times, Pliable can become a vicious enemy waging a mental nuclear war that feels impossible to escape. Personally, I have felt this reality most acutely in my decision to stop working to homeschool my children. 

My decision to step away from my career in my late 30s was complex, driven in part by circumstances, but also by a desire to know my kids and make room for the possibility of adoption. While the decision was initially hard, I felt confident that it was Spirit-led. So, I left my career behind with a sense of joy and anticipation. Plus, I figured I could always turn back if things didn’t work out. 

That plus is my Pliable. 

In your 20s, steps taken out of obedient, Spirit-led conviction can be exhilarating. Course-correcting from your parents’ couch isn’t so bad! In your 40s, with kids, mortgages, and aging parents, course-correcting can feel like parking your minivan in the compact car spot—theoretically possible, but it takes a lot to get it right and has big consequences if you miscalculate. 

This trapped feeling, where solutions seem just out of reach when life gets hard, leads me to seek from the Lord answers and reassurance around past decisions that are too marvelous for me (Ps. 131:1). It leaves me like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind (James 1:6), as I reevaluate the past over and over again in my mind, wondering if perhaps those convictions were a bit extreme at best, maybe even wrong. 

And so, I sink into my Slough.  

When Course Correction Becomes a Burden

Today, in the area of homeschooling, Pliable reminds me that plenty of Christians enjoy excellent schools and that their children turn out well, probably much godlier than my own! Pliable reminds me that working is godly and would bring in money so I could finally buy some much-needed new furniture. Pliable distracts me from my present reality, always pointing the way out of my circumstances when things aren’t going well. It leaves me reevaluating my prior decisions, searching for jobs I can’t have, daydreaming about “real” kindergarten classrooms, and assuming the worst for my children because of my mistakes or poor life choices.

Having flexibility in your thinking isn’t bad. Course correcting is a beautiful freedom the Lord gives (Prov. 15:12). However, when the “freedom” to change course after a seemingly bad decision becomes your burden, how do you fight Pliable’s lie that you can chart your path to joyful success?

When You're In the Slough, GRAB for God

• Give God your failures. As John Piper explains in his exposition of 2 Corinthians 12:7, failures can stem from personal weakness or opposition from others. In my current homeschooling life, this feels like an all-too-present reality, as my children often oppose my instruction, and I frequently feel behind as they grow and move through different developmental stages. To our failures, the Lord says that his grace is sufficient, and the gospel covers the sinful responses that sometimes surface when we fail.
• Repent of ungodly regret. When days are hard, it’s easy to regret our decisions or question whether or not we understood God properly in our convictions. As a parent, when your children's hearts seem hardened to you or your instruction, or when your attempts to improve fall short, remember this does not mean God didn’t lead you to where you are. Instead, let the Spirit deepen your dependence on Christ (Phil. 3:13-14), who promises to work all things to good.
• Ask the Lord for your next step of faithful living. This could be a listening ear from a wise friend. It could be a little tweak to your day or year. It could actually be a change of course. But ask the Lord to sovereignly direct your paths (Prov. 3:5-6) and then walk.
• Believe God has something better than what you can see, and hope that He’ll be glorified through the steps of faithful obedience you have taken while seeking him. In Hebrews 11, after walking us through a sometimes morally questionable list of faithful saints, the writer pauses to remind us we must believe that He rewards those who diligently seek him (Heb. 11:6). To defeat Pliable in the Slough, remind him that you walk by faith, not by sight. Set your eyes first on the eternal (2 Cor. 4:18) and then on what is before you that day.

When doing the right thing doesn’t turn out as planned, don't look back to what you perceive were better days, or could have been better days if you'd made a different decision. Instead, GRAB onto God's unfailing love and promises (Psalm 94:18-19). The sovereign hand of God will keep you from sinking, even in the deepest, swampiest Slough.