Should I Make My Kids Be Christians?

Years ago, I had a conversation with a new dad about raising kids. Neither one of us knew anything. He laid out for me something like a schematic for how, through prayer, fasting, and instruction, one could bring their children into the kingdom of God. As he spoke, I couldn’t help but think it smacked of arrogance and naivety.

My position hasn’t changed with the addition of four children of my own. His points were valid, but much like a YouTube seminar guaranteeing to make you a millionaire in a year, it promised far more than it could deliver. The magic formula for creating Christian kids does not exist, and many of these programs sold have ended in more spiritual hurt and abuse than solid results.

There is a theme-park-sized line out the door of millennials trying to wrap their heads around some of those perfect formulas this guy was espousing. “Deconstructing your faith” is the new buzz term of a generation of spiritually hurt people trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

A lot of forced faith, with no relationship, has resulted in a disenchanted, disillusioned set of parents who feel a cultural affinity for the church and the values of their youth, yet have no relationship with the God of that framework.

So how do we raise kids to know and love God? Is it possible to pour into our children in such a way that they all end up serving Christ? I am sorry to say it, but I don’t think there is a guarantee.

I do not have answers in part because I haven’t raised my kids yet. I am still in the trenches. I’ve also spoken with enough people who have raised their children to know that they often have fewer complete answers than I do, but buckets full of wisdom. That wisdom is perhaps the difference in shepherding our children towards Christ.

So, what are some ways you can apply wisdom to shepherd your children towards Christ without trying to force faith upon them?

First, Spend Time Praying for Your Kids

Prayer is crucial and effectual, and it is something we are commanded to do for others. This has been my weakest area, and it is perhaps the most crucial. John 6:44 says that no one comes to the Father unless the Spirit draws him to God. Pray for God to draw your children to Him through the Holy Spirit.

As the colloquialism says, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. It is not our job to save our kids. That is done only through the work of Christ, by the drawing of the Holy Spirit.

Second, Remember It’s Not a One-Size-Fits-All

Your kids are unique individuals with distinct inner dialogues, fears, and proclivities that may not mirror your own, except in a few cursory areas. 

My children look so much like me and do so many things in similar ways that it can be easy for me to forget this truth. But, much like a fingerprint, my children are here to put their unique and irreplaceable stamp on the world. They will leave a mark and a legacy I never could, because it’s not mine to leave.

How they encounter faith and God may be completely different from how I encountered him.

My early years were spent globe-trotting and living in difficult circumstances in third-world Africa, and my children have only ever known a Norman Rockwell America and summer vacations to places I could not have dreamed possible. We will see life differently at the same stage of life. That difference in life experience will inevitably shape how they experience God.

Third, Know You Cannot Give What You Do Not Have

Live a life well-lived. Some of the preachers who have spoken with the most power and natural artistry have lived lives least worthy of emulation, whether due to moral failure or unbending legalistic judgmentalism. They spoke with the tongues of angels and lived grubby lives of impoverished character.

Kids are smart. They see if you take more than you should, tell a half-truth when it suits you, or hold a prejudice. You cannot tell your kids about this great salvation and God’s grace while carrying on extramarital affairs, living in addictions, and mistreating others.

Trying to teach Christianity as a cultural way of life that you view with some nostalgia will not create an additional bankrupt and whitewashed soul, but a soul completely antagonistic to a God that looks like an empty tradition because you said one thing and lived another way. A child will immediately sniff the lie and, instead of seeing that your life was the lie, conclude that God is not real and not to be loved and feared. They will be unmoored and easily swayed or convinced. 

Fourth, Focus on Finishing Well

This last one may seem morbid or strange to some, but it is crucial. I have had the privilege of getting to see some men and women that I really respected die well. They lived not a perfect life, but a life exemplified by God’s saving grace, and they finished their race well.

They not only offered me salvation to follow, which they had clearly experienced themselves, but also lived that life until the very end and went out without fear and with a smile. Death had lost its power because of what Christ had done in their life. The older I get, the more I am chasing the status of dying well. 

I don’t know why this age matters, but once I approached forty and then especially once I passed it, working for status or money seemed increasingly pointless. I want my kids to get together when I die and say, “Dad wasn’t perfect, but he loved Christ with all his heart and lived a life for Christ.”

This week, reflect on how you are approaching faith in your children’s lives. Take stock of your own spiritual life and ask the Holy Spirit to point out any areas in your life that may be sending mixed signals to your children.