When Estrangement Leaves You Broken-Hearted

One of the hardest things in life has to be having estrangement in your family. It’s not natural, and therefore the underlying pain is tremendous. 

A family, at its very core, is to be a support system. God created the family to bring Him glory. When a family is inadequate to meet basic needs, it becomes dysfunctional. This usually happens when something takes the place of God, and can look like workaholism, addictions, or abusive behavior, whether sexual, physical, or emotional. When we lose sight of God and His plans for our lives, that is when sin slips in. 

As a child, my family said they were Christians, but never went to church, although I did have an aunt who would pick me up to take me to the church around the corner from my house. My parents loved to party with friends, drinking and even doing drugs when they were younger. As a child, I remember them fighting a lot, and ultimately they ended up divorcing.

This was incredibly hard on me as a child. The grief of a broken family is hard to explain, unless you’ve walked in those shoes. Thankfully, I had my Heavenly Father there to bring me the peace and comfort I needed. He was there for me when it felt like no one else was. 

Healing for the Broken

A broken heart occurs when something beyond our control breaks our spirit, whether intentional or unintentional. It may be from abandonment, rejection, oppression, abuse, or even death. Regardless of the cause, the typical feeling is one of devastation and shattering. As a child, my broken heart was collateral damage. My parents couldn’t overcome their differences, and our family as I knew it was forever changed.

Psalm 34:18 says,

“The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.”

What a comfort to know that Jesus has come to heal the broken-hearted. When we put our whole trust in Him, He can give us peace that surpasses all understanding. Even though it would have been easy, I never took on a victim mentality. I didn’t despise my parents. Instead, I leaned into the Lord, I opened my Bible, read and memorized Scripture, and I prayed for them!

That was the most powerful thing I could do, and I’m so happy to say that after twenty years of prayer, both my parents are serving the Lord, and our family finally has peace.

A Path Forward

If you have someone in your life who has hurt you, pray for them. Ask God to help you truly forgive them for the pain they have caused you. Unforgiveness is a sinkhole that eats up our lives, but if we surrender our hurt and offer forgiveness, we are on the path towards healing. Pray for God to bring about restoration of the relationship, and ask the Holy Spirit to work in their life.

An important thing to remember is that we live in a fallen world; there is no such thing as a perfect family. There may be times when reconciliation isn’t possible. Even in those situations, we can follow the words of Romans 12:18, which says,

"If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peacefully with all men."

Be faithful to the Lord and to His Word, and trust that He will meet your needs.

Jesus Glasses

When we start looking at people the way Jesus does, it changes our perspective. Asking, "How would our Savior treat this person?" is like looking through “Jesus glasses.” He came to seek and save the lost, and many times the people who hurt us need Jesus as their Savior. Only He can change their heart.

If someone in your family has caused you grief or is distant, keep praying for them. Prayer is truly your greatest resource and the first step into bridging the distance between you. As Christians, we are called to be peacemakers. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can rise above what our flesh may desire and offer forgiveness even when it is undeserved. Then God can begin to restore our brokenness and bring the healing we desire.