Repairing Relationships After Regret

When I was asked to write about repairing relationships after regret, I almost regretted saying yes.

The truth is, I’m still living this story. I’m in the middle of trying to repair a relationship with one of my sisters, so I don’t have a perfect ending to share. But maybe that’s okay. Sometimes God teaches us the most while we’re still walking through the process instead of after we’ve reached the finish line.

I have five siblings. Three of them are older than me and still live in Ethiopia. I also have two younger sisters here in the United States. One is my adoptive sister, while the other is my biological sister who was adopted with me from Ethiopia. It’s our relationship that God has been using to teach me about repentance and trusting Him with the outcome.

Growing up, we were close. But during our teenage years, we slowly drifted apart because of the conflict I had with my parents. She found herself caught in the middle of it all. Looking back now, one of my biggest regrets is the stress and anxiety I caused her.

I carried a lot of anger and frustration during those years, and too often she became the person I took it out on. I was never physically abusive, but my emotions were unpredictable enough that she couldn’t trust me. That’s hard to admit, but it’s true.

When I moved out, the distance between us only grew. At first she was willing to text me, then she only wanted to communicate through letters, and eventually she asked for no communication at all. We didn’t speak for nearly two years.

At the time I felt abandoned, but over the years God has shown me something I didn’t want to see. I spent so much time thinking about how hurt I was that I rarely stopped to consider how deeply I had hurt her. Seeing my own sin clearly has been painful, but it was also the beginning of repentance.

Repentance Before Restoration

Repairing a broken relationship begins with repentance, but the outcome is something we have to entrust to Christ. That lesson has changed the way I think about regret. For a long time I wished I could go back and undo everything I had said and done. I wanted another chance to prove I wasn’t that same angry teenager anymore.

But no matter how much I’ve grown, I can’t rewrite the past. I can apologize. I can seek forgiveness. I can choose to love differently today. What I can’t do is control whether someone is ready to trust me again.

I John 1:9 reminds us, “If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” That verse shows God doesn’t ask me to erase my past. He asks me to bring it to Him. His forgiveness doesn’t erase the consequences of my choices, but it frees me from carrying the weight of trying to fix everything on my own.

Trusting Christ with the Outcome

Today I only see my sister about once a year for a few days.

We’ve started talking again, but rebuilding trust is slow, and that’s okay. I’ve apologized and have tried to show her that I’m not the same person I used to be, but I can’t control how she feels. What I can do is continue praying for her, continue loving her well, and ask God for wisdom if the opportunity comes to rebuild what was broken.

James writes, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). I love that James connects confession with prayer. We confess because we’ve sinned, but we pray because we recognize that healing ultimately comes from God.

Not long ago, a pastor told me that I don’t need to have everything figured out before talking about what God is doing in my life. I just need to be faithfully walking with Him. That reminder has stayed with me because this story still isn’t finished. I’m still learning what it means to repent, to love well, and to trust Christ with the parts I cannot control.

A Challenge for This Week

If you’re carrying regret over a broken relationship, don’t let it keep you stuck in shame. Ask God to reveal where you need to repent. If you’ve hurt someone, seek forgiveness with humility and without expecting a certain response. Then continue to love them well while trusting Christ with what you cannot control.

You may not be able to repair every relationship, but you can faithfully follow the One who is always at work, even when you can’t yet see the outcome.