Is Your Family a Real Priority To You Or an Afterthought?

Over the winter months, our TMC writers took you through a series of books of the Bible. We'll get back to that next month, but for July, we're launching a series on the family, and you'll be reading devotionals from writers of all different stripes—traditional families, blended families, and broken families.

The whole concept of family has become a hot-button word in some circles. Family structures today look very different than those a few hundred years ago. With the dawn of the twentieth century, we saw a rise in the so-called "nuclear family."

To many, this transformation was a disaster. In an article for The Atlantic, columnist David Brooks wrote, “The family structure we’ve held up as the cultural ideal for the past half century has been a catastrophe for many. It’s time to figure out better ways to live together.”^[1]

To some, Brooks’ words feel like an indictment of traditional family structures, such as male and female parental figures. But that isn’t the thrust of his argument. Instead, his central point is that families have gotten away from how they functioned for thousands of years. As Brooks writes, “For most of human history, family was an economic unit. It was for making the farm work.”^[2]

The stats back this up. In the early 1800s, 75% of American workers were farmers. The rest of the 25% worked in small family businesses. But in the 1900s, children began to leave home to pursue the American Dream.

By 1960, almost 78% of children lived in a nuclear family. From 1967 till 2017, the numbers of people living alone has increased from 7.6% to 14.3%. People are marrying later and divorcing more. While 38% of the world lives in extended family units, only 11% of people do in the US.^[3] These realities led Brooks to surmise:

If you want to summarize the changes in family structure over the past century, the truest thing to say is this: We’ve made life freer for individuals and more unstable for families. We’ve made life better for adults but worse for children. We’ve moved from big, interconnected, and extended families, which helped protect the most vulnerable people in society from the shocks of life, to smaller, detached nuclear families (a married couple and their children), which give the most privileged people in society room to maximize their talents and expand their options. The shift from bigger and interconnected extended families to smaller and detached nuclear families ultimately led to a familial system that liberates the rich and ravages the working-class and the poor.^[4]

It’s for this reason that many, like Brooks, think it is time to reshape the way we think about family. While I disagree with some of the solutions he proposes, Brooks’ point on the individualistic nature of family is profound.

The more families focus on the so-called American Dream of 2.5 kids in a nice suburban community surrounded by all the amenities life can offer, the easier it is to hunker down and develop an individualistic focus on life. We elevate immediate family members and devalue the role others—such as grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles—play.

This Brings Us to Jesus

This takes us to Jesus. 

Who did Jesus spend the most time with on this earth? The knee-jerk response is his twelve disciples, but the more accurate answer is his family. For nearly thirty years, before he ever set foot on a mountainside to speak, Jesus lived under the limitations and authority structure of a traditional Jewish family.

Throughout his childhood and even up to his death on the cross, Jesus made family a priority. As God the Son incarnate, if anyone had an excuse to ignore and bypass his parents’ authority, it was him.

Still, Philippians 2:7 tells us he obediently humbled himself under the direction of God the Father. He limited his supernatural abilities, which were part of his divine nature, and came to earth as a baby.

Luke 2:52 says Jesus increased in wisdom and favor with God and others. Rather than acting with a sense of entitlement, he chose the path of humility and did not use his deity for selfish motivations. He walked the same path of human development that every other person has walked.

So, What Does This Mean for Me?

Jesus thought family was important, and he expects us to think the same. We are not to idolize them, but we are to prioritize them. It’s spouse first, kids second, parents third, and other family relationships after that.

Building strong family relationships requires careful investing. I think of my father-in-law as a great example. He’s one of the hardest-working people I know. Having lived in Alaska for 40+ years as a construction contractor, he had many opportunities that tested his priorities.

But when his kids were young, he rejected job offers that would have taken him away from them for extended periods. Instead, he invested countless hours in them, and now he and my mother-in-law have a great relationship with each of their kids. He stuck with it and drew a line between what he could and couldn't do. Now, he's reaping the returns, and it's an example I'm trying to pass on to my kids.

Family is tricky, and there are many different levels that we'll discuss in our upcoming devotionals. How do you love family members who are difficult? What if you feel like a terrible parent? How do you make up for years of family neglect?

It all comes down to prioritization. If you believe your family is important, you will spend your time, energy, and resources to align with this belief.

The rest of this series will give you tips on how to do just that.

[1] David Brooks, "The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake," The Atlantic, March 2020, https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/03/the-nuclear-family-was-a-mistake/605536/.

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid.