In Memory of My Friend, Bob Stouffer

Last Friday, I was at the pool with my kids when I received a text from Janan saying there had been a terrible storm at Eastlake Community Church—the church I worked at over a decade ago—and a large tent had collapsed, with numerous people taken to the hospital.

A quick Google search revealed an ABC News article that said "1 dead, 22 hurt," and a few minutes later, I learned that the one who had died was a personal hero of mine, Bob Stouffer. How different a headline reads when you know the person behind the number.

Bob was an extraordinary person, and while thousands of voices on social media have already written posts to this effect, I wanted to add my own.

I first met Bob in 2011 when I moved to Smith Mountain Lake, Virginia. He and his wife Nancy soon became some of my closest friends and mentors. Broke, ignorant, and full of passion, it was a Godsend to have someone like Bob step into my life.

As a 22-year-old kid helping lead a cinema church campus, Bob was one of my strongest supporters. When Janan and I moved to Toronto, Canada, to plant a church, he and his amazing wife Nancy visited us several times, and we made certain to carve out some time to take in a Jays/Orioles (Bob's team) game.

Ten days ago, when my family was in Toronto on vacation, we were at a Jays game once again, and after the Jays piled up a few runs on the visiting Orioles, I couldn't help but send Bob a "Go Jays" text.

But beyond being a great guy who faithfully supported an inferior baseball team (sorry Bob), Bob reshaped my life in ways that reverberate to this day. And it's my hope in sharing some of the ways Bob's life, his "testimony," impacted me that you too will be challenged.

First, Bob Changed My View of Ministry

Bob (and I could add Nancy's name to each of these points) was the first person who helped me internally believe there weren't tiers in God's kingdom.

As a student fresh out of Bible College, I'd adopted a mindset that viewed full-time ministry as a step up from every other occupation. Sure, being a doctor, an engineer, or a farmer was fine... if you couldn't be a pastor or missionary. After all, what could be better than doing God's work?

Bob's example shattered this mindset into a million pieces, and through extended conversations with him, I came to believe that every position in God's Kingdom holds equal value and unique opportunity.

As one of the most influential figures in Amway, having built a team of hundreds, spoken to thousands, and mentored countless individuals one-on-one, Bob had tremendous influence. But rather than leverage this influence to make his name great, he used it to bless others and point people to Jesus.

Bob impacted people who would never walk through the doors of a church, and in my book, there is no better representation of what it means to be a Monday Christian than him.

Second, Bob Shifted How I Viewed Material Possessions

Before meeting Bob, I always viewed wealth with suspicion. After all, didn't Jesus have a lot of negative things to say about being rich? My internal mindset was that wealth was a distraction, an impediment to dependence on Christ. So part of me always said, "I'll never have money...but I'll just pray for others that do to be the answer to my prayers."

Watching how Bob handled his finances made me rethink this approach. I started thinking: "Instead of always asking others to be the answer to my prayers, I want to be a person of character like Bob that God can trust to bless others." Ironically, this new pursuit led to a greater dependence on God.

As Christians, it's natural for us to ask God to use others to bless us. It can feel a bit foreign to ask God to use us to bless others. But I'm convinced this is a prayer more of us (especially in a nation of abundance and opportunity) need to pray.

To this point, several years ago, I was reading a book on George Müller, the nineteenth-century German-born Christian evangelist best known for founding orphanages in Bristol, England, that cared for thousands of children. His story is powerful, and you've likely heard the amazing accounts of how he would pray, and God would provide in extraordinary ways.

I've always admired and continue to admire his example. But as I read, taking in all the amazing answers to prayer and asking God to provide similar answers in my life, I arrived at the last chapter and had a slight change of heart. There I discovered a list of names of people who had supported Müller's ministry over the years. Names that likely wouldn't be shared from a platform, but people every bit as valuable in God's eyes who had listened to his voice when he spoke and given of the wealth they'd created.

When I think of that list, I can't help but think of Bob. Only eternity will reveal the countless times he slipped a $100 bill into a broke college student's pocket (I can attest to several), quietly supported a church initiative, or was the anonymous answer to someone's prayer.

Bob helped me see that money is just a brick, a tool to bless others. You earn more, have a bigger house, or buy that boat, not so you can have more, but so you can bless others more. I don't know of one thing Bob owned that he wouldn't have let others use. That's because in his mind, he was just a steward.

All he had was God's, and as a result, this day, all God has is his. (Luke 15:31)

Third, Bob Showed Me The Value of Consistently Loving Others With No Agenda

In an age where it feels like everyone has a hidden agenda, Bob invested in Janan and me with no expectation of return. Whether it was taking us on his boat for an evening ride, taking me, Janan, and my mom to the Brooklyn Tabernacle to attend a prayer meeting, or visiting us at our home in Toronto, he went out of his way to love us with no agenda.

This is an attitude Janan and I have tried to adopt. To love others with zero expectation of return. To do random acts of kindness with no expectation of payback. To give, not to use people, but to do so just as an extension of God's love for us. It's still a work in progress.

Bob was never the flashiest guy, and he loathed the spotlight, but he had this knack for making you feel valued every time you spent time with him.

For many people, their favorite topic in conversation is themselves. "Here's what I'm doing," "here's what I'm accomplishing," and "here's how I'm awesome." Bob was a you guy.

Even though I didn't get to spend as much time with him over these last few years as I would have liked, his memory will live on in my mind for many years to come. And the values he instilled in Janan and me will have a ripple effect in each of our kids' lives.

Bob, thank you for the example you set. It was always your goal to finish well, and it's a goal you achieved.