Why Do We Keep Trying to Fix Ourselves Without God?

I started teaching Sunday school recently, and it has really humbled me. We are going through a series that covers deep topics like the biblical worldview, the existence of God, and His fairness. The lessons are already prepared, but as teachers, we have to take something that could take two hours to explain and teach it in just twenty minutes to middle schoolers.

It takes me time just to read and understand the lesson myself. I have realized I cannot teach something I do not understand. And every time I prepare, I am reminded of how much I still have to learn about God. In many ways, I feel like one of the students.

That raises a question. If God is this amazing and powerful, why do we struggle to turn to Him? Why do we keep trying to fix ourselves without Him?

For me, and I think for many of us, it comes down to believing we need to do more to earn His love. We assume that if we follow the rules and check all the boxes, we will look better in His eyes.

I love checklists because they make me feel productive. But when it comes to my relationship with God, that approach has not worked. Instead of bringing peace, it leaves me feeling like I am never doing enough.

The Illusion of External Rules

Over the past year and a half, I have been involved in a Tuesday young adults group, a Wednesday youth group, a Thursday men’s study, and a Sunday leadership group. These are all great environments, and I am still involved in most of them. But at some point, I realized something was missing.

I needed a relationship with God outside of all those groups.

It is possible to be surrounded by spiritual activity and still feel distant from God. I found myself doing more but not actually being with Him. Paul speaks to this in Colossians 2:20–23:

You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the spiritual powers of this world. So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as “Don’t handle, don’t taste, don’t touch”? Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires.

Paul makes it clear that rules, even when they look spiritual, cannot change the heart. Christ has already paid for our sins, yet we still try to prove ourselves through effort. In doing so, we can lose sight of why He went to the cross.

Jesus addressed this in Matthew 23 when He rebuked the Pharisees for “cleaning the outside of the cup” while their hearts remained unchanged. They followed the law closely, yet they missed the Messiah.

Rooted in Relationship, Not Performance

The main point is simple: external rules cannot produce the inner transformation that only Christ can give. When we follow Christ, we are made new. He becomes our foundation. Paul writes in Colossians to let our roots grow down into Him and build our lives on Him.

Over the past few months, I have tried to be more intentional about that. On my drive to work, I turn everything off and just pray. It is simple, but it has been one of the most meaningful changes in my walk with God.

I did not need more activity. I needed to slow down and be with Him. Prayer has become an act of surrender, letting go of control and trusting God to lead.

A Simple Application

If you feel stuck trying to do more for God, take a step back this week and focus on being with Him instead. Set aside a few quiet minutes each day to pray honestly, without an agenda. Ask God to shift your heart from performance to relationship and remind you that you are already loved in Christ.

God is not asking you to prove yourself. He is inviting you to know Him.