What Should I Do If My Christian Friend Is Ready to Give Up on God?

Have you ever had a friend who grew up in a Christian church, claimed to have a strong experiential relationship with God, but now wants little to do with him?

My wife shared a story like this with me last week, and it reminded me of a sermon series I heard several years ago titled “Who Needs God?” by the author and pastor of one of America’s largest churches, Andy Stanley. Aside from a few objections, I found his series thought-provoking and especially liked this message: “Who Needs God: Gods of the No Testament.”

In a nutshell, Stanley’s premise is that one of the main reasons people are leaving the Christian faith in America is that they are saying goodbye to a false version of God that doesn't even exist. Adapting and tweaking some of Stanley’s thoughts, here are six versions of God gods that perhaps your friend grew up believing in that I would suggest do not even exist.

Version #1: Baby god

I agree with Stanley that one key reason many adults have rejected God in their later years is that they are asking adult questions about their child-based understanding of Christ. This is not to say that what Christians were taught in Sunday Schools or kids' church classes was wrong. It is just that the arguments for God that we hear at nine are not designed to withstand the rigorous challenges of a university Ph.D professor with an atheistic worldview. So, if your understanding of God doesn't evolve, you'll be tempted to quickly dismiss what you think is juvenile.

Version #2: Bodyguard god

Some grew up with a view that said God will always protect us from all pain and harm. Then life happens. The career field they thought would be a reality does not pan out. Friends and family members they prayed for lose their lives to cancer. Parents separate. Their spouse is a jerk. And suddenly, because they always believed that their God would insulate them from all dangers, they find themselves rejecting him. They take one look at all of the pain and suffering in this world and cannot reconcile the disconnect they have between their bodyguard god perception and the horrible realities that they see around them.

Version #3: Genie god

Similar to a bodyguard god, others grew up with the belief structure that God is there to do our bidding and be our personal genie. They wrongly understand “Ask and receive” in Matthew 7:7 and grow frustrated in praying to a God who never seems to answer their prayers and do as they wish. In the words of Mark Batterson, they have an inverted view of the gospel. They have invited Jesus to follow them rather than making the decision to follow Jesus. They asked God to do X. He didn’t. Thus, he must not care or even be real.

Version #4: Guilt god

From the title, you may be already starting to shake your head up and down at this one. People who grow up with this understanding of God may have come from a rather “legalistic” upbringing. The motivation to do good was not out of genuine love for God but fear of what might happen if his commands were not obeyed. After a while, they just became tired of following someone they assumed always carried a hammer and awaited their first wrong move.

Version #5: Boyfriend god

In many modern worship songs today, the lyrics are written in such a way that the word “Jesus” could easily be substituted with boyfriend. One of many problems with the boyfriend god model is that it assumes our relationship with him should be just as we would treat someone we were dating. It largely ignores the characteristics of God, such as his holiness, justice, wrath etc… and assumes Jesus is some happy-go-lucky deity just waiting to give you goosebumps every time you pray. This might hold up well for people who surround themselves with highly motivational teachers and jaw-dropping worship bands. But when the real world hits, and the emotional goosebumps are gone, their view of God begins to crumble, and they might feel like a bitter “ex-lover.”

Version #6: Gap god

Unfortunately, the gap god is still very much alive and well in Christian circles. It is the god that fills in anything that a Christian cannot explain. Find the closest parking spot at Walmart? Must have been God! How could an entire world be destroyed by a global flood? Easy, God did it. Why would God come to this earth to redeem humanity? Simple, that’s just what he wanted to do!

So, How Do You Help Your Friend Get the Right Perspective of God?

1 Corinthians 13:12 reminds us that "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known."

One day, when we meet Jesus face-to-face, we will have the clarity to see reality as it truly is. But for now, each person (including you and your friend) has a warped understanding of what God is like. If you know of someone who is ready to give up on the God you know, here are three simple practices I'd recommend you encourage them to try:

Practice #1: Prime the Pump. You can read more about that in this post from last week. In short, challenge them to make room for God's activity in their life. Encourage them to practice the discipline of sitting with their Bible open and inviting God to speak to them each day.

Practice #2: Join a Strong Community. Click HERE if you want some practical steps, but encourage your friend not to buy into the "I will discover God in isolation" mentality. Because God's very nature is communal, he is best discovered when we are in community with those who bear his image.

Practice #3: Learn to Hear God's Voice. Jesus says in John 10:27, “My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me." My friend Tina Pitamber has some good ideas about how your friend can do that.

As you encourage your friend, don't forget the most important factor–prayer. Carve out time in the mornings or evenings to specifically pray that your friend will encounter God in a fresh way. And ask God to allow you to be a voice of encouragement and grace in their lives.