What My Full-Time Job of Being a Stay-At-Home Mom Has Taught Me About Sanctification

I’ve always been fairly independent. When I was a toddler, my favorite phrase was, “I do myself.” And when I was five, my dad found me crying because there was too much I wanted to do with my life, and I wasn’t sure how I’d fit it all in. I wanted a pilot’s license, a teaching degree, to learn how to build houses, and to become a professional pianist and singer.

I’ve also always enjoyed adventures and being alone. My favorite books were the mystery ones with the fearless heroine who saved the day (think Nancy Drew). I loved hunting with my dad from a young age, hiking through the wilderness near Alaskan villages as a teen, and running laps and laps by myself at the track to strengthen my mind and body in high school. I took my first airplane trip out of Alaska when I was thirteen and did extra classes to finish high school a year early so I could “get started” with the rest of my life.

Because I tend to live in my head, it’s easy for me to get lost in a book or imagine a storyline no one else knows anything about. I’m never not thinking. I dream every night. One time I heard someone say they have long moments of pause where they literally didn’t think a thing (not meditation), and I was absolutely stunned. I had no idea it was possible and was slightly jealous. 

When Grand Dreams Don’t Become Reality

By the time I got to college, I had grand dreams. I was going to be a missionary teacher and travel around the world. “Maybe” I’d get married when I was thirty and had the chance for adventure and serving God the way I thought He had planned for me.

I was twenty when I clearly heard God tell me He wanted me to get married and support someone else’s ministry. It stopped me in my tracks. I wasn’t even dating, and no one was on the horizon. It’s a story for another day, but within a few months, Ezra Byer came into my life and swept me off my feet. We married when I was twenty-one, moved to Toronto to work in ministry together, and then, after five years of marriage, had four babies in fairly quick succession. My plans moved from traveling the world spreading the gospel to being a homeschool mom of four.

Being a mom is much harder than I anticipated (that picture above is of my youngest). My kids have never understood my introverted need for quiet or alone time. My mornings with God are almost always interrupted, and they have a sixth sense for when I’ve woken up early or found a moment of solitude.

After years of having a formal job, it can be difficult to see the work I do at home in the same light. I can labor all day, turn around, and see almost no progress. I teach the kids manners, school, and social skills, and sometimes I scratch my head at the results. Days are full of interruptions, whining, and constant requests for help, affection, or a listening ear. There are ouchies to kiss and tears to soothe. Dreams are crushed, and Mom is the one who puts them back together. Frustrations are unleashed in tantrums, yelling, and fights.

Sometimes I look at my kids and wonder how in the world I was so blessed. And sometimes, I feel absolutely smothered. 

Kids Are Part of My Sanctification

I’ve wondered at times why God took my life in this direction, why I’m the one He chose to be these beautiful children’s mother. I feel like I fall short of the mom I thought I’d be, and I’m surprised by the urge to escape the monotony when I know how good God’s been to me.