What If I'm Struggling With Pornography

Two weeks ago, I spoke with a client of mine who encountered a very tempting situation. He was on a business trip with his colleagues to Amsterdam when one of his bosses leaned over to him on the plane and said, "I wouldn't wear your wedding ring on this trip if I were you."

As a young kid in his twenties at the time, my client didn't know how to respond, but he suddenly realized he was going to be thrust into a situation that was going to test his character.

When they arrived at their hotel in Amsterdam, my client was handed a book that looked like a menu. Only it was several pages of nude women he could invite to his hotel room that night, compliments of the hotel. Situated in the red light district, just a short walk down the street exposed him to dozens of prostitutes flaunting their bodies in shop windows.

At this point, he was faced with a very real situation. Be one of the boys and fit in, or take a stand and alienate himself from the entire team. Thankfully, he chose the latter, and upon settling into his hotel room, he immediately called his wife. And that good decision led to a ripple effect in a much stronger marriage.

Do You Struggle With Pornography?

Maybe you aren't faced with temptations this extreme, but you struggle with another one that is even more prevalent—pornography. This is one of those embarrassing sins that is often so openly shamed that it cowers men and women into silence, keeping them from getting the help they desperately need.

In Proverbs 5, we looked at the importance of guarding against having an affair. So, in Proverbs 7, let’s adjust our approach and address the challenge of porn. This chapter warns against the dangers of adultery and the temptation of seduction. It describes a young man who, lacking judgment, is seduced by a married woman. It illustrates the destructive consequences of succumbing to seduction, portraying it as a path to ruin and downfall.

This kind of sounds like a tale of today. Over the past few decades, the sexual dynamics have changed. While people are still having physical affairs, many young people are opting for less sex^[1] and more porn consumption.

Porn is more prominent today than it’s ever been. According to Psychology Today, “the top-ranked pornography site, had 700,000,000 more total visits than Amazon and 900,000,000, 1,100,000,000, 1,300,000,000, 1,500,000,000, and 1,800,000,000 more total visits than TikTok, OpenAI, LinkedIn, Netflix, and The Weather Channel, respectively.”[2] 

Traditionally, many assumed these numbers were almost exclusively male-driven. But according to recent statistics, approximately 3 out of every ten women view porn,^[3] and this number continues to climb.

Factor in the rise of AI-related sexting apps, and the sexual lusts of today look very different than in Solomon’s age. Still, the basic admonition Solomon offered holds true when he writes in Proverbs 7:4-5: “Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister,’ and call understanding your relative. She will keep you from a forbidden woman, a wayward woman with her flattering talk.”

Then, after sharing the example of a prostitute who throws herself at a young man, Solomon gives these words:

²⁴ Now, sons, listen to me,
and pay attention to the words from my mouth.
²⁵ Don’t let your heart turn aside to her ways;
don’t stray onto her paths.
²⁶ For she has brought many down to death;
her victims are countless.
²⁷ Her house is the road to Sheol,
descending to the chambers of death.

Translation? Guard against all forms of sexual temptation at all costs. The cost is just too great.

Keep Resisting 

When we read passages like Proverbs 7 through the lens of Jesus, we understand how to better apply them to our lives. In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus says, ²⁷ “‘You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. ²⁸ But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’”

This means that adultery isn’t just the act of having an extramarital affair with another physical partner. Adultery starts in the heart. It’s making someone or something the object of our sexual pleasure at the expense of our spouse. It’s objectifying others instead of seeing them as God’s creation.

Adultery in any form is a tradeoff. It’s opting for heightening pleasure at the moment and choosing to pay an unfathomable interest rate in the future.

If you're a Christian who struggles with pornography, I've got a few words of conviction and encouragement for you today. First, take it seriously. Don't buy into the lie that it's just a personal sin and "everyone has their secret pleasures." Recognize that by actively aligning your desires against God's intended design, you are creating a barrier in your relationship with him, your relationship with your significant other, and you are bringing long-term harm to yourself.

That said, I want you to know I'm rooting for you. Yes, porn might be the norm in your life today, but it doesn't have to be tomorrow. Through God's strength, you can overcome this addictive habit and you can go one day, two days, a month, a year without giving in to this temptation.

Resistance isn't easy, but the rewards of doing so make it so worth the effort. This is a reality my client experienced, and it's one I hope you will as well. Anyone can give in to their lusts. It takes a real man and woman of character to have the internal resolve to make consistent decisions against themselves so they can align themselves with who God has called them to be.

[1] Hannah Fry, "Young Adults Having Less Sex Than Their Parents and Grandparents, Studies Show," Los Angeles Times, last modified August 3, 2023, https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-08-03/young-adults-less-sex-gen-z-millennials-generations-parents-grandparents.

[2] "How Much Porn Do Americans Really Watch?," Psychology Today, accessed January 6, 2024, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everyone-on-top/202309/how-much-porn-do-americans-really-watch.

[3] "How Do Men and Women’s Porn Site Searches Differ?," Fight the New Drug, accessed January 6, 2024, https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-do-men-and-womens-porn-site-searches-differ/#:~:text=But%20regardless%2C%20according%20to%20this,60.2%25%20of%20women%20consume%20pornography.