Is There a Disconnect Between Who You Are in Public and In Private?

Several years ago, I was about to get off a Zoom call with a client when he shared this humorous story with me. Well, semi-humorous.

He was on a Zoom meeting with several of his team members, and at the close of the call, he asked if a couple of them could hang on the line to discuss a "sensitive matter."

As it turned out, this "sensitive matter" was that one of the participants who had been on the call earlier was going to be fired. On the surface, this felt like an efficient move. Why set up a separate meeting when you could tackle everything in one shot?

There was just one problem with his plan: in an age of AI and automatic call transcripts, all participants received a summary of the meeting at the close of the call! This included details of his team member's impending firing.

A few minutes later, he received a panicked email from said member and realized what he'd done. What he thought was a private conversation turned into a public fiasco.

Who You Are in Private Matters

It's easy to hold this private versus public persona. To think words said behind closed doors or in a private Zoom meeting will never get out. But the reality is that, as Christians, we are called to be the same type of person in private as we are in public.

No, I'm not saying share every detail publicly as we would in a one-on-one conversation, but our character should remain the same.

To this point, Psalm 101 is King David's commitment to live a righteous life. While Scripture doesn’t detail when he wrote this psalm, he likely penned it near the beginning of his reign as a code of conduct for his behavior. Commentators like Leslie Allen believe “the setting is presumably the royal coronation and also any subsequent royal celebration.”^[1]

In these verses, David vows to walk with a blameless heart, reject evil, and avoid the company of the deceitful or wicked. He makes statements like:

• “I will pay attention to the way of integrity.” (V.2)
• “I will not let anything worthless guide me.” (V.3)
• “A devious heart will be far from me; I will not be involved with evil.” (V.4)
• “Every morning I will destroy all the wicked of the land, wiping out all evildoers from the Lord’s city.” (V.8)

This psalm is really a psalm about the importance of private integrity. David realizes, as J.A. Motyer writes, “his royal duty began in his own person, home, and standards of life. If he cannot be trusted privately, what guarantee is there for public integrity?”^[2]

David knew his kingdom would rise and fall based on the quality of his private life. If his home was in order, his kingdom would be in order. But if his home was in disarray, his kingdom would fall apart.

Although David understood this from the beginning of his reign, it didn’t keep him from getting distracted. Even though he knew the consequences of making wrong decisions, he still gave in to the desires of his flesh. When he did, his family and his nation paid a terrible price.  

The Goal Is Synergy

While David fell far short of the standard he set, Jesus embodied “the very character here extolled, all for the purpose of saving his people and conquering his enemies.”^[1] Jesus was and remains the only person whose private character matched his public persona. He is our example.

One of the primary goals of the Christian life is synergy between our private character and public persona.

In the words of Mark Batterson, success is “when those who know you best respect you most.”[2] People who know us best know our greatest areas of strength and weakness. They see us on good days and dark days. Few character flaws escape their attention. They know us when we are at our best and our worst.

So ask yourself this question today: Does my private character and public persona match? Is there a disconnect between how you present yourself to others and how you act at home? Do you fear that if other Christians got to know you better, you would be exposed as a fraud?

If so, take some time today to reflect on this psalm and resolve to be a person of character in all areas of your life—public and private. Commit to being the person that the more others get to know you, the more they see Jesus.

^[1] Leslie C. Allen, Psalms 101–150 (Revised), vol. 21, Word Biblical Commentary (Dallas: Word, Incorporated, 2002), 7.

^[2]J.A. Motyer, The Psalms, eds. D. A Carson et al., New Bible Commentary: 21st Century Edition. Accordance electronic ed. (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1994), 550.

^[3]Bryan Chapell, eds. Gospel Transformation Study Bible Notes. Accordance electronic ed. (Wheaton: Crossway, 2013), paragraph 2479.

[4] https://x.com/markbatterson/status/1140287974267129856