Is It Possible to Be Sexually Fulfilled in Marriage? (Song of Solomon 7-8)

A Few Thoughts to Consider

Do married couples experience greater intimacy than nonmarried couples?

This subject has been widely discussed both inside and outside Christian circles for generations. Those who don’t believe Scripture argue that sexual partners are happier when there isn’t marital commitment involved. After all, isn’t it better to “try a car” before you buy one? To counter this, many Christian speakers in recent decades have made arguments like “the best sex is married sex.” So which side is right?

The answer seems obvious, but it’s not so straightforward. The author of Song of Solomon, Solomon, enjoyed sexual intimacy with over a thousand partners. He certainly does not shy away from sharing intimate sexual details.

In Song of Solomon 7:1, Solomon shares the perspective of a lover who says, “How beautiful are your sandaled feet, princess! The curves of your thighs are like jewelry, the handiwork of a master.” As Duane Garrett notes, “His praise of her beauty moves generally from bottom to top, the reverse of 4:1-5. Sandals are mentioned because they enhance the natural beauty of her feet. The comparison of her thighs (rather than ‘legs’) to jewels means only that they seem finely crafted; no actual description of their appearance is meant.”^[1]

Then, in verse 2, he says, “Your navel is a rounded bowl; it never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a mound of wheat surrounded by lilies.” As John Balchin writes, “It would seem that eastern men of this period didn’t like their women on the thin side!”^[2]

Verses 3-4 say, ³ Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. ⁴ Your neck is like a tower of ivory, your eyes like pools in Heshbon by Bath-rabbim’s gate. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.” “This gives the impression of the right kind of self–confidence; she holds her head up high, and there is no drooping with her.”^[3] This revealing form of narrative continues throughout this chapter and the next.

But perhaps the key verses in these two chapters are in 8:6-7, where the woman says to her lover, ⁶ “Set me as a seal on your heart, as a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death; jealousy is as unrelenting as Sheol. Love’s flames are fiery flames—an almighty flame! ⁷ A huge torrent cannot extinguish love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If a man were to give all his wealth for love, it would be utterly scorned.” As Doug O’Donnell writes, “The two images—‘death’ and ‘the very flame of the LORD’—are both images of permanence.”^[4]

Here, we find the balance for passionate love. Yes, passionate sexual union is good, but only as long as it involves genuine commitment in the way God intended. Is it possible to experience great sex outside of a marriage relationship? Absolutely, and many have. But lasting fulfillment is a different matter.

Sexual love ignites a flame within us, and one of the cruelest things one person can do to another is to ignite that flame with no commitment attached.

A Meditation to PRAY

Praise | Father, I praise you for the gift of love and the beauty of committed relationships. Thank you for revealing the depth of true intimacy through the wisdom of the Song of Solomon. Your design for love shows me the joy found in faithful and lasting commitment.

Release | I confess that I've sometimes overlooked the importance of commitment in love. Forgive me for any times I've sought connection without the dedication and covenant you desire. Help me recognize where I've strayed and return to your intended path.

Ask | Please guide me to embrace the fullness of love as you intended. Help me to reflect your self-sacrificial and exclusive love in my relationships, honoring the covenant of marriage. Grant me the wisdom to build relationships rooted in your truth and designed for lasting fulfillment.

Yield | I surrender my desires and relationships to your will. Teach me to live in alignment with your design, embracing lasting commitment over fleeting gratification. I trust in your guidance and submit to your loving plan for my life.

A Challenge to Act Like Christ  

While the book of Song of Solomon is not one grand metaphor for a believer’s union with Christ, it does help us understand God’s heart and the nature of our relationship with Christ. Doug O’Donnell writes that “there is a permanence to our covenant relationship with the Lord Christ, which is not only until death (‘till death do us part’) but which overcomes death (‘O death, where is your victory?’; 1 Cor. 15:55). Because Jesus is ‘the resurrection and the life’ (John 11:25), we who believe in him are ‘sealed’ by the Spirit ‘for the day of redemption’ (Eph. 4:30).”^[5]