How to Guard Against Having an Affair (Proverbs 5)
Since life is short, why not have an affair? This is a challenge the online dating platform Ashley Madison poses to their nearly 75 million worldwide users who are looking for intimacy outside their marriages.
Proverbs 5
Today's Scripture Passage
A Few Thoughts to Consider
Since life is short, why not have an affair?
This is a challenge the online dating platform Ashley Madison poses to their nearly 75 million worldwide users who are looking for intimacy outside their marriages. While an infamous 2015 data breach threatened the survival of this company, it's since seen significant growth, as the desire to have affairs doesn't wane.
When asked why people cheat on their spouses, the director of communications for Ashley Madison replied, "Our members often tell us that marriage isn't all that they thought it would be, and after the honeymoon fades and kids come into the picture, things shift. The relationship becomes less about passion and sex between the couple and more about the everyday life of the family unit."[1]
In Proverbs 5, Solomon speaks to this very issue. In verse 15, Solomon says, "Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well." Adding to our previous discussion on the importance of wells in the Bible on February 8th, Robert Alter writes,
"The association of the well with female fertility and especially with the womb (or vagina) is reflected both in the Song of Songs and in the recurrent betrothal type-scene, where the young man encounters his future bride by a well. The pure waters of the well are an antithesis to the sweet honey and smooth oil of the seductress's mouth.”[2]
In other words, like any sin, affairs feel exhilarating at the moment but result in untold pain.
Proverbs 25 is reminiscent of the story of Joseph. Noting this parallel, Bruce Waltke writes, “The son’s lips must speak the truth, as Joseph’s did with Potiphar’s wife, to fend off the malevolent, unctuous speech issuing from the lips (śiptê) of the unchaste wife.”[3] He must fight for his marriage, even when every impulse he has is to do otherwise.
This brings us to an important question: Why do Christian marriages fail? Among the many responses that could be given, the one guarantee is that at least one partner in the marriage has lost sight of the true purpose of marriage.
When we see the primary goal of marriage as personal happiness, the Ashley Madison path will be alluring. But when we step back and recognize how marriage fits into God’s grand narrative for humanity, we find a stabilizing purpose and value—even in those moments after the honeymoon fades.
There are some life lessons only learned in the context of marriage.
Tim and Kathy Keller write,
“Marriage brings growth that is impossible outside of the security of the bonded union. Because you cannot just walk away when things get difficult, it brings increased self-knowledge, emotional and spiritual growth, deep mutual affirmation and support, and the distinct joy you can have only in the presence of someone with whom you have been through thick and thin.”[4]
Are you tempted to have an affair? If so, reach out to someone you trust who can help, and then focus your eyes on the true purpose of marriage.
A Meditation to PRAY
Praise | I praise you for being the perfect example of a pure union with your church. Thank you for your purpose in marriage.
Release | I release my selfishness. Whether I am married or not, help me allow the people around me to knock off my sharp edges and assist me in becoming more like you.
Ask | Help me to live up to the commitments I’ve made to the people in my life, even if the relationships sometimes lose their glamor and excitement.
Yield | I surrender my loneliness, selfishness, and desire for others to be perfect to you. Help me to love like you love.
A Challenge to Act Like Christ
Ultimately, a healthy marriage starts with a healthy view of God, his love for us, and his expectation of the way we are to love others.
Unfortunately, many marriages resemble the “functional atheism” we talked about on February 11th. Just as one might not deny the existence of God but live like he doesn’t exist, it’s easy to settle for going through the motions in marriage and fall into maintenance mode. We lose the infatuation Solomon writes about in verses 18-19 when he says, 18 “Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving deer, a graceful doe—let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever.”
To keep the passion alive, we must regain a healthy view of Christ and his love for his bride, the church. Ephesians 5:22-26 says,
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.
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[1] Carolyn Steber, "The 3 Different Ages When People Are Most Likely to Cheat," Bustle, accessed December 17, 2023, https://www.bustle.com/p/the-3-different-ages-when-people-are-most-likely-to-cheat-16974054#:~:text=Ages%2030%20to%2039%20%E2%80%93%2032%25&text=Out%20of%20the%202%2C099%20people,about%20straying%20from%20their%20marriage.%22.
[3]Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 1–15, New International Commentary on the Old Testament. Accordance electronic ed. (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2004), 307.
[4] Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller, God's Wisdom for Navigating Life, (New York: Penguin Publishing Group, 2017), 161.
