How Do I Respond When Others Talk About Me Behind My Back? (Ecclesiastes 7-8)

A Few Thoughts to Consider

Have you ever overheard someone say something nasty about you?

You walked by their cubicle at work, read that email you weren’t supposed to be CC’d in, or heard from someone else what your “friend” said about you. Your face flushes with anger, and you can’t wait to speak to them, say something sarcastic, or better yet, give them the cold shoulder until they fess up. If this is where you’re at today, Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 is just the passage you need.

Here, the preacher of Ecclesiastes says, ²¹ “Don’t pay attention to everything people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you, ²² for in your heart you know that many times you yourself have cursed others.” These verses highlight the previous verse, which says, “There is certainly no one righteous on the earth who does good and never sins.”

As Jerry Shepherd writes, these verses “call appropriate attention to the all–too-hasty reaction of condemning others for things you have done yourself, or toward which you have a tendency but perhaps lack occasion.”^[1] The Hebrew word translated as “cursing” might mean “slander” or “grumble.”^[2] In The Message, Eugene Peterson paraphrases this verse as “Don’t eavesdrop on the conversation of others. What if the gossip’s about you, and you’d rather not hear it?”

This is the path of a wise person. A fool always takes things personally and never gives the benefit of the doubt. A wise person takes time for introspection and realizes they, too, need grace, and if they were honest with themselves, there are times they have treated others in just the same manner.

A Meditation to PRAY

Praise | Lord, I praise you for your wisdom, which reminds me not to take every word spoken against me to heart. You are gracious, slow to anger, and rich in compassion, guiding me to walk the path of humility. Thank you for reminding me that I, too, need grace as I fall short in my words and actions.

Release | I release my desire to retaliate when I overhear negative words spoken about me. I let go of my pride, which tempts me to take offense and hold others to standards I have not upheld myself. I surrender the bitterness that builds when I focus too much on others' criticisms.