How Do I Move Forward in 2026 If I’m Ashamed of My Past?

Have you ever done something that you’re ashamed to admit you did?

You said some words you’d do anything to take back. But you can’t. Years ago, you acted in ways you’re not proud of, and now there is nothing you can do. Each night when you go to sleep, you replay your shameful behavior over and over again in your mind.

I’ve got so many things I cringe about. In fact, I highlight some of them in this YouTube video I recorded several days ago.

I know some friends who are blessed with a mindset that always looks forward and seldom thinks about the past, but that’s not me. Or, I should say, it wasn’t me, and it’s taken a lot of discipline to not beat myself up over past failures.

Maybe you’re in this boat. You’ve gone through a painful divorce that wasn’t your fault, but you know some think it was. You built a business that took off in the early years but has since fallen flat, and some of your former employees are spreading rumors about your character. Or you weren’t the parent you wished you could have been, now your twenty-five-year-old kids want little to do with you.

Now you live with this deep sense of shame.

This was something the Apostle Paul understood all too well.

A Terrible Start

Paul was so opposed to Jesus and so committed to being a good Pharisee that he was willing to do whatever it took to advance—even if it meant putting to death those who opposed him.

But rather than gloss over his past in Galatians 1, Paul leads with it. Why? Because by showing how far he has come, he can show how great God is. Paul says in verses 15-16 that it was only because of God’s grace that he was who he was, and it was because of his special calling on his life that he could now preach as he did.

After assuring his readers that his words came from God and not another teacher, Paul ends Galatians 1 with these words in verses 21-24:

Afterward, I went to the regions of Syria and Cilicia. I remained personally unknown to the Judean churches that are in Christ. They simply kept hearing, ‘He who formerly persecuted us now preaches the faith he once tried to destroy.’ And they glorified God because of me.

Notice that last phrase. While Paul’s past was indeed terrible, because of Jesus, it became a means to speak to the goodness of God.

What If I Am Ashamed?

So what should you do if you are ashamed of your past?

First, as Peter Scazzero writes, “It’s important to distinguish shame from guilt. Guilt is about something I do. Shame, on the other hand, is about who I am.”[1] If you’ve done something wrong and haven’t repented and worked to make that wrong right, you should feel guilt. But if you’re doing everything you know to do and still feel like trash, this is where you need to confront shame head-on.

How do you do this? This is where many self-help books get it wrong. They say things like, “Oh, there is no reason to feel shame because you are awesome!” You just need to recognize that, and only after you come to this self-realization will the shame start to dissipate. 

The gospel would have us do just the opposite. Go back to Paul’s approach and notice what he does. He doesn’t leverage his goodness as a means to justify the shame of his past. Instead, he goes straight to Jesus and the power of God’s grace.

Notice what this does. It takes the sting out of the punch. Now, when others look on and say, “Paul, you’re such a hypocrite,” he can say, “You’re right. That’s who I was, but thanks to Jesus, that’s not who I am today.”

“Paul, you’re a murderer.”

“You’re right, that’s who I was. But not today because of God’s grace.” 

What If Others Are Bringing Up My Shame?

But what should you do if someone keeps reminding you of your past? You no longer feel the shame, but every time you’re around them, they keep reminding you. Maybe it’s that friend who keeps saying, “Remember those wild times we had in high school?” And you’re thinking, yeah, those are days I’d rather not think of again.

First, ask them to stop. But if they don’t, I’ve got two words for you. Let them. Okay, they're not my words. In her NYT bestseller The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins writes,

The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them. Here’s why this works: When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood.[2]

This can be extremely difficult. But the key is to keep coming back to Jesus. Let the work he is doing in you be the source of your response to others.  

Steps to Take

Here is what’s awesome.

As you do this, your story will begin to parallel Paul’s, and others will glory God because of you. They’ll recognize that God is using you not because of you, but in spite of you. That the real work he is doing in your life is a testament to his goodness and not yours.

This is wonderfully freeing. When you’re constantly trying to impress others by showing how your goodness outweighs your badness, you’ll always come up short. But when your consuming desire is to celebrate God’s goodness, this frees you from the chains of shame.

So the next time you’re trying to sleep, but all these thoughts of shame flood into your mind, here are several steps you can take:

1. Separate shame and guilt. Do you feel thoughts of shame because you’re guilty of something you haven’t repented of and made right? Then take steps immediately to make a 180-degree turn. (I used to always say 360 degrees in sermons)
2. Confront lies with truth. Lies are tricky. As Craig Groeschel writes, “A lie believed as truth will affect your life as if it were true.”[3]  This is why we need to confront them with the truth of God’s word.
3. Keep pointing to Jesus. When Satan or others remind you of your past, remind them of God’s faithfulness. Don’t try to defend or justify yourself. Just keep pointing to them to Jesus and giving God glory.

Do this repeatedly in 2026 and you’ll notice how God starts to redeem even the shameful moments of your past to bring great healing, joy, and comfort into your life.  

[1] Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Leader: How Transforming Your Inner Life Will Deeply Transform Your Church, Team, and the World (Zondervan, 2015), 151.

[2] Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins, The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About (Hay House, 2024), 18.

[3] Craig Groeschel, Winning the War in Your Mind: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life