How Do I Help a Friend Who Has Sinned?

How should you treat a friend who sins?

This is a tough question to answer without knowing the severity of the offense. I've had a few friends over the years who have made some bad choices, and it's always messy when this happens. On the one hand, you don't want to kick a person while they're down, but on the other hand, you want their foolish actions to serve as a wakeup call.

People fall for different reasons. Sometimes it's blatant. They're tired of living under the "constraints of following Christ," and so they choose to have an affair, make a series of unethical business decisions, or make some poor choices that throw their lives into chaos.

Most times, the sin is more subtle—a slow drift. Last Saturday, in my latest YouTube video, I shared that there are eight seasons of life that can quietly lead Christians into sin.

My major point was that God uses each of these seasons—times of expectation, misunderstanding, and power—to test our character.

Tough Times Reveal Character

This past week, I've been rereading Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. It's a masterpiece I'll probably continue rereading to the day I die because each time I do, at a different phase of life, it strikes me in different ways.

Frankl argues that humans can endure almost any suffering if they can find meaning in it, a truth he discovered through surviving Nazi concentration camps. In describing the horrendous conditions he lived through, Frankl makes this poignant remark about the importance of inner spiritual formation:

In spite of all the enforced physical and mental primitiveness of the life in a concentration camp, it was possible for spiritual life to deepen. Sensitive people who were used to a rich intellectual life may have suffered much pain (they were often of a delicate constitution), but the damage to their inner selves was less. They were able to retreat from their terrible surroundings to a life of inner riches and spiritual freedom. Only in this way can one explain the apparent paradox that some prisoners of a less hardy make-up often seemed to survive camp life better than did those of a robust nature.[1]

In other words, the inner character these "sensitive people" forged was so strong that they were able to stand when a season of unexpected tragedy came their way.

Some people are like this, but many allow their season of life to dictate their morals. And because they haven't done the hard work of character formation, tough times reveal the shaky foundation they've built.

So what should you do when this happens?

Bear Their Burdens

Start by taking a page out of the Apostle Paul's playbook and helping them bear their burdens. In Galatians 6:1, Paul says, "Brothers and sisters, if someone is overtaken in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual, restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so that you also won’t be tempted." He then adds these words in verses 2-5:

Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone considers himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Let each person examine his own work, and then he can take pride in himself alone, and not compare himself with someone else. For each person will have to carry his own load.

Notice that Paul does not call for punishment or distance but for shared responsibility. To “bear one another’s burdens” means stepping into the weight created by failure, shame, or struggle so the person is not left to carry their weight alone. Restoration is not just correction; it is costly involvement, and Paul says this kind of love fulfills the law of Christ.

What is this "law of Christ"? It is to, as Scot McKnight notes, "live in the love of the Spirit."^[2] It's to love others with a love not born out of self-interest and self-preservation, but out of genuine care for their souls.

Contrast this form of burden bearing with Jesus' words about the Pharisees in Matthew 23:4, where he says, "They tie up heavy loads that are hard to carry and put them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves aren’t willing to lift a finger to move them."

These leaders—like the false teachers Paul was addressing in the churches of Galatia—had turned God’s law into an exhausting system of rules, interpretations, and moral expectations that ordinary people were expected to obey perfectly. They added layers of tradition on top of Scripture, creating spiritual weight that crushed people with guilt, fear, and shame.

Extend the Law of Love

Often, like the Pharisees, when someone sins, our natural response can be to add weight to their burdens. Part of us feels a bit smug that we haven't fallen into the same trap, so we add these subtle words of condemnation, making a friend who is already struggling to feel that much more guilty.

Jesus would have us do the opposite. To bear someone's burden doesn't mean that you gloss over or share in their sin, but it does mean you help them bear the weight their sin has caused them and others.

How do you do this? Again, each situation is different, but after the sin has been addressed (Matthew 18) and there is genuine repentance on behalf of the other person, do something to help them bear their load. Here are a few suggestions:

• If someone has stolen, consider bearing some of the financial cost.
• If a dad has alienated their kids, consider bearing the weight of being a strong mentor for kids who miss their dad.
• If a friend of yours has gossiped about you and others, prayerfully consider bearing some of the weight by spending a bit of your hard-earned trust to help restore them in the eyes of others.

"But Ezra," you say, "people have to learn on their own. They need to get justice for what they've done. If they never learn to pay, they'll never learn to live right."

I get it, but all I can say is I'm glad Jesus didn't take this approach with me. I'm thankful he bore on his shoulders the weight of all the sins in the world when he hung on the cross. I'm grateful for the grace he extends to me, the awesome privilege of being his ambassador to others—even though I do not deserve it.

That's the funny thing about grace. The more you realize you've received, the more you can't help but pour into others.

So this week, if you feel weighed down by the sin of someone who is close to you, after pointing them toward genuine repentance, come alongside them to help bear their weight. As you do, you will become a little bit more like your crucified Savior.

[1] Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, 36th ed. (Boston: Beacon Press, 2006), 36.

^[2]Scot McKnight, Galatians, eds. Terry C. Muck, The NIV Application Commentary. Accordance electronic ed. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), 285.