How Do I Get Back on My Feet After I've Been Kicked in the Teeth?

Two years ago, I worked with an author who possibly had the most extraordinary life of anyone I’ve worked with. In his early twenties, he interacted with celebrities like Bob Hope. In his thirties, he worked in the Nixon White House. In his forties and fifties, he led the two largest executive search firms in the US. And in his eighties, he now competes in Ironmans. And these are just a few of the highlights.  

Each time we talked, he kept saying things like, “Ezra, I’m just the luckiest guy in the world!” There wasn't much I could say to disagree. Sometimes, people seem to have it all together. And while this gentleman worked his butt off, he would be the first to tell you he was the recipient of some major breaks.

But what do you do if you don't fit into this category and your life isn't falling neatly into order?

Last week, I shared a bit of my “painful work story,” and thanks to each of you who reached out and found this helpful. The next natural question becomes: How do you get back up after you’ve been kicked in the teeth?

What do you do after bankruptcy? How do you respond when your career doesn’t pan out as you hoped? Where do you turn when all the faith you once had is turning into bitterness, and you’re tempted to doubt the pillars of God’s goodness, faithfulness, wisdom, and sovereignty?

If this is where you’re at, I have four suggestions:

Suggestion #1: Be a Student of Biblical History

Scripture is full of people who suffered disappointment. You're probably quite familiar with these, but just in case you need a refresher:

• Joseph received vivid dreams of his brothers bowing down to him as a kid but was soon sold into slavery by these same brothers and spent years in prison for a crime he didn't commit.
• Moses knew from an early age that he was different, perhaps even chosen to deliver his people. Yet his first attempt to act on that impulse by killing an Egyptian backfired, and he spent forty years in the wilderness before God prompted him to move.
• David was anointed king while still a shepherd boy, but it took years of being hunted by Saul and hiding in caves before he actually took the throne.
• Paul had a radical encounter with Christ on the road to Damascus and was called as an apostle, yet spent fourteen years in relative obscurity before stepping into his public ministry.

These stories remind us that God's plan for our lives isn't always a straight line. We think God is calling us to a title or position when he is actually shaping our character so that we can become the person he wants us to be for the place he wants us to serve.

Suggestion #2: Remember Who Owns You

Stop obsessing over why something didn't work out, and use this as an opportunity to build your trust in God. This might involve confronting some of the myths you believe–myths that say you deserve better, should be farther along, and shouldn't receive the treatment you're getting.

Several years ago, I read Kevin Myers' book The Home Run Life. Long before experiencing breakthrough growth and seeing Twelve Stone Church become one of the largest in the nation, Myers struggled as his fledging church plant seemed to be going nowhere. That's when he was forced to confront his internal pride. Myers shares:

During one of my prayer times in 1991, I was expressing my frustration and found myself saying, “God, you owe me! I have spent my life since age nine following you. I left the security of home to plant a church in Atlanta, and you are letting my life sink into the pit. I’ve given up everything for you! How could you let this become my life? You owe me!” “Kevin,” I sensed God saying, “I do not owe you. I own you.”

That was a startling moment. God was patiently reshaping my perspective. I felt like I was being shaken from a nightmare and waking up. It was sobering and clarifying at the same time. An eerie awareness settled on my soul. Perhaps I had spent my life saying, “It’s all about God,” when what I had been living actually said, “It’s all about me.” What came to my mind in that moment was Hebrews 11, the chapter that lists the giants of the faith. They fell into two groups: The first were mentioned by name. They passed through the Red Sea on dry land, conquered kingdoms, shut the mouths of lions, became powerful in battle, and received back their dead raised to life.

The second group consisted of the faithful who were not named. They were tortured, flogged, imprisoned, stoned, and sawn in two. Many wandered in deserts or hid in caves or lived in holes in the ground. I have always heard preachers talk about the first group and I had imagined that I would be named among them. And for the first time it was dawning on me, What if I’m in the second group? They were just as faith-filled. God was just as pleased with them as He was the ones named in Hebrews 11. If God owns me, He can put me in either group. [1]

It could be that one of the reasons God didn't allow your work situation to pan out as you wanted was because you wanted it too much. You wanted it to make a name for yourself and propel your family into that next economic stratosphere, and you didn't want it to make God's name great. Maybe.