Do You Find It Easy to Isolate?
Isolation is natural. But there's a better way.
Have you ever had one of those friends who ghosts you? You text, no response. You call, no response. You think to yourself, Dude, what's up?
Then after a couple of weeks of radio silence, they reach out and say, "Hey, sorry, just going through a tough time." Perhaps you've been this person.
The reality is that everyone processes tough circumstances differently, and loneliness is a major problem. With nearly one out of four US adults feeling lonely,[1] it’s no secret that the tendency to hide behind screens and isolate is now more tempting than ever.
But Proverbs 18:1 says, “One who isolates himself pursues selfish desires; he rebels against all sound wisdom.” Robert Alter translates this verse to say, “A loner seeks a pretext, where one needs prudence, he is exposed.” He explains,
The sense of the whole verse might be: a person cut off from other people constantly looks for a quarrel and by so doing shamefully exposes his own weaknesses in the very situations that call for prudence.[2]
What is the nature of someone who isolates? Verse 2 says, “A fool does not delight in understanding, but only wants to show off his opinions.” As Alter notes, he wants to expose “his inner thoughts.”
“Ironically,” Bruce Waltke adds, “the fool aims to let his heart expose itself but it exposes what he did not intend vis-a-vis his folly.”[3]
The Problem
The problem with isolated thinking is that we tend to think we are right in our own eyes. In Verse 17, Solomon writes, “The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.”
This is why God commanded judges in Deuteronomy 1:16-17,
Hear the cases between your brothers, and judge rightly between a man and his brother or his resident alien. Do not show partiality when deciding a case; listen to small and great alike. Do not be intimidated by anyone, for judgment belongs to God. Bring me any case too difficult for you, and I will hear it.
When we only listen to ourselves talk, we sound rational. But when we let others challenge our thoughts, we realize our need to improve.
Unfortunately, with the rise of social media, it's easier than ever to isolate ourselves and associate with people in an echo chamber. If people agree with us and confirm our bias, we like them. If they disagree with us, we cut them off.
But it’s only as we allow our words to be challenged that we become a more rounded person and more like our creator.
The Solution
Christ’s solution for isolation is the church. Hebrews 10:21-25 says,
21 and since we have a great high priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed in pure water. 23 Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, since he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, 25 not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.
Notice this progression. Because of Jesus, our great high priest, we first draw near to him in community. We ask him to make his thoughts our thoughts, his plans our plans, and his words our words.
Then, we gather in community with other believers—people who are messy, challenging, and even irritating. As we do this, we experience a mutual “provoking,” not out of annoyance but love.
By living in community with God, you start becoming more like him. By sharing what you’ve learned about him with others, you allow them the chance to push back and reveal blind spots in your life that you hadn’t noticed.
[1] https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/24/health/lonely-adults-gallup-poll-wellness/index.html
[2] Robert Alter, The Hebrew Bible: A Translation with Commentary (The Writings), vol. 3 (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 2019), 407.
[3]Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 15–31, New International Commentary on the Old Testament. Accordance electronic ed. (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2005), 70.
