Am I To Blame If My Kids Don't Love Jesus?
A tough question, but there is hope.
This is a tough question, and at first glance, Proverbs 22:6 seems definitive when it says, “Start a youth out on his way; even when he grows old he will not depart from it.”
This word, translated as “start,” comes from the Hebrew verb hnk, which means to dedicate, initiate, or train. In context, this implies not just training or teaching but setting a direction or dedicating the child to a particular path. This verb “often denotes dedications of various kinds and may refer to the initiation of the young man into adulthood.”[1]
As Derek Kidner clarifies, this starting of youth implies “it seems, respect for his individuality and vocation, though not for his selfwill.”[2] In other words, each child chooses their own path, but parents play a pivotal role in shaping who they become.
A Word of Caution
To take this verse as a promise is to eliminate a child’s free will. As Paul Koptak notes, “Remember that a proverb is not a promise; therefore, this one is no guarantee for any method of parenting. It should never be interpreted so caring parents whose offspring give up the faith or get into trouble are at fault.”[3]
That said, this verse should serve as a word of caution and optimism for parents.
Caution because it’s a reminder of their great responsibility and optimism as it’s a reminder that God continues to work in our children’s lives long after they have left our home. George Robertson puts it this way:
This proverb is not a sure formula for success in child rearing; it is an assurance of how profound a parent’s influence can be—though that influence might be rejected. The Proverbs provide reliable guidance but they do not address every contingency encountered in a sinful world. Wise parents invest in a child during the crucial, early years, because such care typically has godly results. But even the best parenting can result in a prodigal and a prideful son (Luke 15:11–32). Ultimately, the way a child “should go” (Prov. 22:6) is not a college or career choice but an eternal choice to live for God. Such a “way” is profoundly influenced by parents’ actions, but is ultimately determined by the child’s heart. [4]
A Model to Follow
This past Sunday, my pastor gave an excellent sermon on parenting from Ephesians 6 that I'd encourage you to check out—especially if you've had some relational challenges.
The weight of being a Godly parent is a heavy, strategic responsibility. And we should take this responsibility seriously. We should take seriously the words of Deuteronomy 6:9, which says:
4 “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. 7 Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.
But we should also remember that throughout Scripture, God the Father’s children have repeatedly turned away from him, worshipping idols, ignoring his commandments, and even crucifying his Son.
Despite this continual rejection, God's love remains steadfast. He consistently calls his people back to him, offers forgiveness, and extends grace, demonstrating his unwavering commitment to love and redeem his children.
This is the love we are to model. We are to do all we can to teach our kids to love and serve Jesus but trust God when all hope of this feels lost.
[1]Paul E. Koptak, Proverbs, The NIV Application Commentary. Accordance electronic ed. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2003), 517-518.
[2]Derek Kidner, Proverbs: An Introduction and Commentary, vol. 17 of Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries. IVP/Accordance electronic ed. (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1964), 139.
[3]Paul E. Koptak, Proverbs, The NIV Application Commentary. Accordance electronic ed. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2003), 517-518.
[4]Bryan Chapell, eds. Gospel Transformation Study Bible Notes. Accordance electronic ed. (Wheaton: Crossway, 2013), paragraph 2717.
