Why Your Text Messages Matter More Than You Think

How important is it to text well? In this post, Andrew Botres shares several practical ways to respond effectively to others.

Why Your Text Messages Matter More Than You Think
Photo by freestocks / Unsplash
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Key Verse: "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God." - 1 Corinthians 10:31

As a millennial who grew up with the rise of “instant messaging,” I can’t imagine a time when the only way to speak to your friends was if you physically went to knock on their door.

I grew up with platforms like MSN Messenger, which created a generation of kids constantly signing in to get a crush’s attention, often resulting in sad song lyrics in their status due to heartbreak. This then transitioned to the era of text messaging, which initially only allowed you to send a limited number per month (sometimes 25 or fewer!).

You knew if you received one of those messages, that it was 1) either very important or 2) you were special (There seems to be a trend of us instilling personal value in receiving communication from others). 

Fast forward to the present, where, in addition to unlimited text messaging, we have platforms such as WhatsApp, iMessages, and direct messages on social media. Even in the workplace, programs such as Microsoft Teams, Google Slack, and emails have taken over as the main form of communication. Honestly, we've reached a point in this instant messaging world where replies are often just simple emoji reactions rather than words.

Despite how easily we can connect with others, it seems society has actually never been more disconnected. We have developed less urgency in responding to others, or an annoyance if a friend or colleague reaches out too often. In addition, many of us have become quite adept at adding subtle tones in messages, which balances the line of being “respectfully” disrespectful.

As Christians, we are called to do everything to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). In this instance, it doesn’t just apply to the words we use in messages, but also in the actual act of replying.

The Importance of a Reply

We often associate acts of love and kindness with things like giving gifts, supporting a friend through a hard time, and taking care of the less fortunate. Rarely would we equate something mundane, like replying to a message, with one of those things. Now, there are obvious periods in our lives when things may be chaotic, and we aren’t expected to be on demand for everyone.

Even Jesus took time out for himself (Matthew 14: 1-13, Luke 5:16). However, if you find yourself sending “sorry for the late reply” quite often, then I’d challenge you to reconsider whether it was a chaotic life that kept you from responding or was it because you knew replying would mean investing what little time you have to yourself, into someone else.

Personally, as someone who battles with insecurities of self-worth and being accepted, after sending a message to someone, I often have thoughts like, “Why haven’t they responded? Is it because I’m bothering them, or do they not like me?” Satan, at least in my life, has always attempted to destroy how I view myself, because it also means destroying how I think God views me.

Responses to those like me become a way to uplift others, reminding them that they are worth taking time to get back to. While this shouldn’t be the main way to determine your worth, I believe God encourages us to be in community for these instances, where things like a reply can serve as a supplement to support an existing belief of worth that comes from being a child of God.

Speech Seasoned with Salt

In our current age, we understand that communication is more than just verbal. I would wager most of us communicate with others via messaging apps, emails, etc, more than we do through the phone or in person. With this in mind, when the Bible notes in Colossians 4:6 that our “speech should always be seasoned with salt,” we understand this is not just limited to the words that come out of our mouths but also the messages we send, the tone, and intention behind the words we use.

There are various comedic videos about phrases used in the corporate world to “kindly” express harsh thoughts, things such as “As per my previous email,” which at times translates to “Ugh! Did you not read what I wrote? I already answered this....”

Although this is not inherently sinful nor degrading in any way, I would argue that before sending such messages, we should examine our hearts and determine our intent behind what we are saying. You can ask yourself whether the message is seasoned with salt in a way that gives life, or whether you are simply frustrated and want to embarrass/put the other person down.

In life, you will receive messages from friends, family, or colleagues that make you want to respond in a negative way, to defend yourself, or throw the blame onto someone else; but in such instances, we can remember that “a soft word turns away wrath” (Prov. 15:1).

It’s not just important to reply, but when we do respond, we want to ensure that, even in that, others notice Christ in our lives. They notice that Andrew de-escalates situations; doesn’t insert underlying jabs or insults; clarifies missed points rather than bringing others down; and that his messages uplift whenever possible.

Whether you struggle with being present for others by responding to messages or if you find yourself being unkind/passive-aggressive in messages, I encourage you to implement some of the following things that have helped me:

1)    Set a reasonable time limit to respond to messages: I typically give myself 24 hours, and if busy, 48 hours to respond to messages I receive. I always screen the messages to ensure there is nothing urgent. If there is, I try my best to respond as soon as I can and make myself available.

2)    Don’t send messages when you are emotional: Give yourself time to process and calm down before writing out anything. You can also inquire with a friend if you are unsure whether a message is too insulting, rude, or not a good representation of Christ.

3)    Pray for grace: Rather than responding to disrespectful messages with what you think they deserve, pray for grace and patience, a grace and patience that Christ extends to us all the time.