Where is God When My Family is Broken?

“Dan, it’s time to come out of your bedroom,” my counselor said to me.

I was in my forties and had retreated to my familiar place of aloneness. This pattern of retreat started in my childhood, which was a traumatic one with
little to no connection with my parents (see my story June 16). My father was an alcoholic and addicted to opioids, largely absent from our home, either at work or at a pub drinking.

My mother was emotionally detached, a stay-at-home mom living with an abusive husband, trying to survive. I was caught in the crossfire of marital fights, and my bedroom became a solitary place where I spent most of my time.

I found refuge there, but was unaware of the internalizing of my bedroom that was occurring in my soul. As I grew older, emotionally and mentally, I "stayed in my bedroom." I walked in solitude; not on purpose and not even being cognizant of why I felt deep loneliness and depression, a loneliness that defined me as someone who does not fit or belong.

As a teenager in my bedroom with the door closed and alone with my music, I resonated with songs such as "Solitary Man" by Neil Diamond and "I Am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel. Even in my forties, I heard "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day, and I knew that was me.

As I sat across from my counselor, those words echoed in my head...

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

Twenty years after that counseling session, my second wife deserted our marriage. Another childhood song from the 70s, "Alone Again, Naturally" by Gilbert O’Sullivan, resounded in my broken heart.

Left standing in the lurch at a church
Were people saying, My God, that's tough
She stood him up
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally

Come Out of the Bedroom

How do you face loneliness? For some of us, solitude is our default. We find ourselves there time and time again. If that's you, remember the words of my counselor, "It’s time to come out of your bedroom."

In your place of solitude where the noise is gone, quiet yourself before God, open the Bible to Psalm 68:5-6, and listen. Can you hear our Father call us out of our bedroom? He is offering Himself as a Father to the fatherless and wants to bring us into His holy habitation (Ps. 68:5). Where is that? It is not up high above the heavens. It is here, down low, where His gathered people are called the church.

The Bible depicts the church, not as a building, but as people, the living body of Christ (Eph. 1:23; 4:12), the temple of God (Eph. 2:21), and where Jesus walks (Rev. 1:20-2:1). It is His holy habitation where Jesus does life with us.

Jesus is at your bedroom door knocking and wants to come in and spend time with you (Rev. 3:20). He knows how heavy the loneliness weighs upon you and wants to give you relief (Matt. 11:28-30). You do not need to fear Him, for He is gentle and lowly in heart.

He is welcoming you to receive His church as His holy habitation; His home and our home. By making us (the solitary ones) dwell in a home (Ps. 68:6), He is showing us what a home is supposed to be like, and floods us with welcome and love from the members of His family. You will be and feel like a real adopted child of God, a part of His family!

Oh, the wonderful grace of the Father! All those years of solitude are swallowed up into His holy habitation! In His family we have everything that we never had before. We have brothers and sisters of all ages. We have mothers and fathers and children. We have houses and homes filled with friends. His holy habitation is beautiful and lovely!

Who Else?

What about others? Do you know someone else walking a lonely road, alone again?
O’Sullivan pauses and reflects in his lonely song,

It seems to me that
There are more hearts broken in the world
That can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do?
What do we do?

Let’s invite them to the Father’s holy habitation! Bring them into His family and your family. Offer a lonely and hurting one your care and show them the love of God the Father. This is but a foretaste of that invitation we have received to enter the Father’s house where Jesus is (Jn 14:2). That heavenly city where He will wipe every tear of loneliness away from your eyes (Rev. 21:4) and you will be joyously welcomed by myriads of angels, a large assembly of saints, and by Jesus Himself (Heb. 12:22-23)!

Both the Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” Let anyone who hears, say, “Come!” Let the one who is thirsty come. Let the one who desires take the water of life freely. Revelation 22:17