What Should I Do With a Difficult Relationship?
No one enjoys difficult relationships, but here are several reasons these interactions can be valuable.
November is the classic month to be thankful. We are thankful for our blessings, our family, our friends, our abilities, the things we have, and pumpkin spice...but how many times have you thanked God for the people who stretch you?
In his book The Insanity of God, Nik Ripken shares stories of the persecuted church around the world. He tells of one story where a man was imprisoned for his faith for many months and was tortured by a certain security guard. After he was released from prison and went back to working in the underground church, a little old lady came to him pleading for medicine for her dying son.
He was able to procure the medicine and deliver it to the lady. When he entered the room where her son lay, he looked right into the face of the security guard who had persecuted him. He then prayed for God to give him love in that moment and was able to minister to both the lady and her son.
Pray For Those Who Offend Us
That story really challenged me. Many times, we struggle to have love and pray for people who have hurt or offended us in some way. The love Jesus is talking about in Matthew 5:44 is radical! It’s talking about love that goes against our natural tendencies, and it doesn’t feel forced or through gritted teeth. It is real, and from the Holy Spirit.
I remember a while back, my husband (who is involved in state politics) and I were faced with a situation. We needed to attend an event where there were going to be folks present who we knew had said some harsh things about him online. We had seen it ourselves, and now we needed to “mingle” with these same people.
As you can imagine, being human, it was hard not to feel a certain way about that. In the days leading up to the event, we prayed. We prayed for grace, and we prayed for them. When we showed up to the event, I felt a little apprehensive over how the evening would play out; however, God showed up for us. I was able to be genuine and filled with grace, and my husband had a productive conversation with someone who had been outspoken against him.
The Value of Difficult Relationships
While difficult relationships are challenging, here are some benefits:
Difficult relationships can grow our souls. If you are struggling with someone who stretches or frustrates you, be humble. Stop and recognize that you may be stretching them too. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Difficult relationships can grow our faith. When you trust God to give you grace in every situation, and with people whom you know have spoken ill of you or treated you unkindly, you are trusting in God and not relying on your own strength or virtue.
Difficult relationships can grow our love for people. Mark 12:31 says to love your neighbor as yourself. When you see others the same as you see yourself, you will be able to love them, even on their worst days. You aren’t less than anyone else, and you aren’t better than anyone else. We are equal in God’s eyes.
Difficult relationships can grow our prayer life. Pray for them. Not that their breaks would go out, or a flowerpot would fall from a windowsill, as the Jaron Lowenstein song goes, but a true prayer for God to bless them in all areas of their life. Praying God’s blessings over them is the most effective way to make sure bitterness does not take root in your heart.
Training Tip: Pray a blessing over someone who has frustrated or challenged you.
