The Beauty of Being Seen and Known

When I was young and imagined my adult life, I always thought I would have four kids. This makes sense. I was one of four, and it is what I knew and understood of family dynamics. In my imagination, I would have two boys and two girls.

God had other plans. Like Arnold Wiggins in The Boys Next Door, “at least I got the number right.” My wife and I have four boys. If you have at least two boys, you know a little of what this is like. 

I don’t know what it’s like from their perspective, but as their father, I worry that they don't feel “seen” by me. I’m often working at least two jobs, and my time with the older boys is often relegated to picking them up from whatever sport my wife dropped them off at. A thirty-minute drive back to our home in the country, while we discuss their topic of choice, then it’s dinner and bedtime, and I’m gone again hours before they wake.

My youngest, Aksel, doesn’t worry about being seen. 

A couple of weekends ago, my wife was on a girls’ weekend, and I was attending club basketball games for my secondborn. This meant that I watched him as much as I could while trying to make sure the middle school bleachers where I had the two youngest didn’t necessitate a trip to the ER.

I was trying to watch the game, and Aksel was trying to speak to me. If he didn’t feel I was giving him adequate attention, he would grab my face and, with his eyes inches from mine, would repeat in his 3-year-old grammar, EXACTLY what he wanted me to know. This usually took about three times before he was satisfied I had heard him.

Love Grows In Discernment

One of the challenges of relationships and love in the early stages is the matter of being “seen and heard.”

Going through teenage years, you experience many instances of “love” without discernment. Relationships that your parents and mentors can see are a bad idea. Love interests that don’t serve your interests. In those relationships, you may experience lots of jealousy, misunderstandings, and miscommunication.

One of the most beautiful things about being married to my wife for nearly 14 years now is that most of that is gone. We still have miscommunications and misunderstandings, but discernment has grown as we have grown together.

I understand her on a deeper level, and she understands me on a deeper level. Most of all, we have trust in each other, which allows us to be seen and heard. Still, occasionally, in the hectic pace of life, my wife needs to do the equivalent of grabbing my face and telling me three times to make sure I see and hear her.

Growth in Love for Christ

Paul spoke about this in Philippians 1. He wanted them to know he saw them. He heard them. He held them in his heart and wanted them to grow in their love for Christ. 

Our church has a mission statement written everywhere: 

Knowing Christ and Making Him Known

The more we know Christ and the more we grow in that relationship, the more we understand how to discern what He wants from us. Our closeness to Christ enables us to do His will more excellently. He wants to take our face in His hands and repeat slowly so that we understand. He wants this so we can turn and give this to others.

Paul’s prayer in Philippians 1 is that every believer would grow in love for Christ and spiritual discernment. My prayer is the same. That I would stop what I am doing, look Christ full on, and listen to what He has to say to me. 

This week:

Let’s take the time to grow in our lives by spending time with our Savior and Creator. For me, that has meant scaling back two of my days at the gym to focus on longer devotional and reading time before I head to work. Take a moment to reflect on how you can look at your love for Christ and where it can grow.