How Losing My Best Friend Taught Me to Make Each Day Count

Life really is a mist, and it can disappear in a moment. James 4:14 says, “Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.”

I learned that truth the hard way when I lost my best friend, Jake, in a car crash. It was a cold January afternoon, and I had just gotten back from church. I was relaxing, watching YouTube on my TV, when my phone rang. My friend Nick from San Diego was on the other end, and I could hear something was wrong in his voice.

He told me he had terrible news, and before I had time to prepare, he said that Jake had been in an accident. Jake had been driving to Nick’s place about an hour earlier when he took a curve too fast, crossed into the other lane, and collided head-on with a large SUV. His car slid underneath, caught fire, and Jake didn’t make it out. Just like that, at only 19 years old, he was gone.

At first, I refused to believe it. How could someone I had known for nearly a decade be here one moment and gone the next? I’d heard countless stories of people dying in car crashes, but this was different. This was my best friend. Nick had to hang up to call others, leaving me alone in shock.

That night, I packed my things, got in my car, and drove 15 hours straight to San Diego just to be with Jake’s family and our friend group.

Loss Leaves Us With Questions

It’s been about a year and a half since that night, and I still find myself asking God why it had to be Jake. He wasn’t just a friend; he was someone living for God’s purpose. At the time, he was interning at our church in San Diego, leading the youth ministry, and discipling them. He dreamed of becoming a pastor one day. Everyone who talks about Jake remembers the same things: his love for God, his heart to serve, and how much he cared for people. Losing him left a hole in our lives that still hasn’t fully healed.

But in the weeks after, I found myself asking a different question. What if it had been me? Would anyone remember me for anything that mattered? At the time, my life was all about me. I was working 70 hours a week, trying to save money for a nice car, a house, and whatever else I wanted. From the outside, I looked like a “good Christian.” I went to church. I joined life groups. But deep down, my faith was self-focused. I thought following God meant fitting Him into my plans.

A few months before Jake’s death, I had been asked to help in junior high ministry. Honestly, I didn’t even think about it. I just told the pastor I was too busy, because I had other priorities. After Jake passed, though, God wouldn’t let me forget that invitation. I kept feeling Him nudging me, pressing on my heart to reconsider. At first, I argued with Him. “God, I don’t have time.” “God, I’m not qualified.” But eventually I gave in and said yes. Looking back, I’m glad I finally listened.

A Shift in Focus

Serving in youth ministry has transformed me, not because of anything special I’ve done, but because God has used it to shift my focus.

It’s in the little moments of showing up week after week, playing games, listening to students share about their lives in small group, and just being there. God has taught me that ministry isn’t about being impressive; it’s about being present.

Sometimes it takes tragedy to wake us up. That’s what James 1:23-24 means when it says, “For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like” (NLT).

I thought I knew God’s Word because I grew up in church, but I wasn’t living it. I was the person who looked in the mirror and walked away. Jesus illustrated this in the parable of the farmer scattering seed. In Matthew 13:22, he says,

"The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced” (NLT).

That was me. I was the seed among the thorns, distracted by money and future plans, letting the world choke out what God wanted to grow in me. Through Jake’s death, God pulled back the mirror and showed me who I really was. It wasn’t easy to face. But He also reminded me that His ways are better. If I had kept chasing my own plans, I would have missed out on the joy and purpose He had waiting for me.

I still don’t fully understand why Jake’s life was cut short, but I do know this: God used his life, and even his death, to impact me and countless others. Jake lived with eternity in mind, and that’s why his legacy continues.

My prayer is that I would do the same, that my life wouldn’t be wasted on myself, but would point others to Christ. Because at the end of the day, life is a mist, and only what we do for God will last.