How Do I Be a Peacemaker With Difficult People?
What should I do if someone I love is disagreeable? How do I live in peace with them if they're committed to chaos?
Do you long to live at peace with others, but find it impossible with certain people? You're not alone, and the Bible offers wisdom for such situations.
We all desire peace in our lives. The Hebrew word for peace, shalom, carries a rich meaning beyond just the absence of conflict. It’s like saying, “I wish for you to experience all God intends for you,” a beautiful blessing of wholeness and well-being to extend to others.
In Scripture, shalom speaks of complete wholeness and harmony. In other words, life as God intended.
Peace, Yes. But "As Far as It Depends on You"
The Apostle Paul encourages us to “live at peace with everyone.” But notice this important caveat he adds, “as far as it depends on you.”
We should do all we can to be at peace with others, but peace involves more than one willing heart, and not everyone will cooperate. Sadly, some people will take advantage of goodwill and kindness. You might extend patience and mercy, only to be met with hostility or manipulation.
Wishing “God’s best” for someone becomes difficult when that person exploits your peacemaking efforts to mistreat you or others. Paul’s words remind us that while we must try to live peaceably, we cannot control how others respond.
History offers many examples of peace efforts failing for this reason. Treaties have crumbled when one party exploited the other’s goodwill. Even in our personal lives, people sometimes talk about “keeping the peace” just to avoid confronting wrongdoing or to maintain a false sense of harmony.
The Problem with Peace at Any Cost
Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:9). However, being a peacemaker doesn’t mean pursuing peace at any price. There’s a big difference between making true peace and merely appeasing wrongdoing.
In our eagerness to avoid conflict, we can slip from being peacemakers into becoming peace-mongers. A peace-monger insists on maintaining peace at all costs, even if it means tolerating cruelty or lies just to “keep the peace.”
But peace at any cost often ends up costing us dearly. Appeasing evil or toxic behavior doesn’t foster respect or trust. It only encourages more harm. Scripture even warns of those who cry “Peace, peace,” when there is no peace (Jeremiah 6:14). A shallow, one-sided truce that glosses over injustice is no real peace at all.
Peacemaking Requires Courage and Boundaries
What does it truly mean to “live at peace as far as it is possible”?
It means we actively seek shalom in our relationships—showing love, forgiveness, and patience wherever we can. We do our part to reconcile and bring wholeness. But if our efforts are repeatedly trampled, we have to recognize that peace is being rejected. At that point, being a peacemaker may require drawing healthy boundaries because peace at any cost is usually very costly.
Setting boundaries is not about hate or revenge. It’s about protecting what is good and refusing to enable harm. You can love someone and still refuse to tolerate ongoing abuse. In fact, letting a bully carry on unchecked isn’t loving for you, for them, or for anyone else. Surrendering to destructive behavior under the guise of “keeping peace” only allows the harm to spread. In the end, peace at any cost turns out to be the least loving choice.
Even Jesus, the “Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6), demonstrated that true peace has boundaries. He offers us reconciliation with God at the cost of His own life, a peace beyond understanding. Yet Jesus never forced His peace on anyone.
He told His disciples that if people rejected their message, they should “shake the dust off their feet” and move on (Matthew 10:14). For those who refused His offer of peace, Jesus didn’t chase them down or compromise truth to appease them. If the Prince of Peace draws a line when peace is spurned, then we too must know when to step back.
So far as it depends on you, strive to be a peacemaker. Do all you can to spread God’s shalom and offer forgiveness, seek understanding, and pray even for those who oppose you. But remember that “as far as it depends on you” does not mean “at all costs.” If someone is trampling on peace to steal, kill, or destroy, we must not enable it. Instead, entrust the situation to God’s hands and justice.
Sometimes true peace means having the courage to say “no more” while still praying for the other person’s repentance and healing. This reflects Christ’s character, which is full of grace and truth. It’s loving peace yet standing firm against wrong. That’s the kind of peace Jesus gives: a peace filled with love, integrity, and wholeness.
By God’s grace, we should pursue this peace with everyone and trust Him when peace is beyond our reach.
