Stop Waiting and Start Initiating
Close friendships are in short supply, and even if others don’t appreciate your efforts at first, in time, they will, and you will.
One of the reasons we struggle to build close friendships is because we fear the sting of pain when these relationships aren’t what they once were.
We cast our bread, but our investment didn’t pan out as we hoped. A friend betrayed our confidence or disappointed us in ways we least expected. Now, instead of pulling others close, we hold them at arm’s length—doing just enough so they will never wound us, thus making it impossible for them to ever strengthen us.
Few disappointments cut so deep as the betrayal of a friend. The pain of broken friendships can make us question if it’s even worth it to hold people close. In some respect, the older I’ve grown, the longer it takes for me to fully trust people. There have just been too many examples of disappointment—people I thought were great but turned out to have ulterior motives.
It’s here my self-preservation starts to kick in. Fool me once, I think to myself. And rather than let others close, I create distance. Sure, we can meet, but not too often. Yes, I’ll share a bit of my story, but only those parts that aren’t too painful. Friends? Yes. Close friendships? No.
But several years ago, I heard John Maxwell make a statement that changed my perspective. Early on in his career, John faced some difficult relational disappointments that made it hard for him to trust others. During this season, he realized he could hold people at arm’s length, thus ensuring they would never hurt him. However, doing so would also make certain they never helped him.
Ever since I heard that statement, this help and hurt motto has rung true in my life. Whenever I’m tempted to give up on close friendships, I pause and think of the price I will pay if I’m not vulnerable.
I also ask: What would Jesus do if he were in my shoes?
